i'm gonna shift my blog to here...so yea haha...sorry for th einconveniences...

http://feliz-amour.blogspot.com

wtf

ah shit....this stupid blogger is killing me..i wrote it like damn long and yet it deleted evrything...eash....hate it .... and save the blank post..dammit...urgh!...
fine no mood to blog d...pfft...

vous avez enlevé mon souffle

26/7/2007
not a special day for most of us...
but for me is a day that is special enough for me...

vous qui est que je veux

JERSEY

oh no...now i wanted a jersey..desperate for it!

difficulty: rate ***** (5STARS)

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THIS POST MIGHT BE TOO BULLSHITTING OR NONSENSICAL TO MOST OF YOU WHO READ THIS..IT IS TOTALLY INDIRECT AND IT IS DEPEND IF U COULD FIGURE OUT WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY...GOOD LUCK..IT'S OK TO GIVE UP
**************************************************************************

these few days I've been in dilemma..dilemma in such a way that i could hardly control myself..sometimes i need to find a stabilizer..but nothing seems like it..i weighed it so evenly that it makes everything so difficult..at that moment i feel like my life is shattered..even though reality to me is obvious.. however, what i want instead is the fantasy..i knew i was not that lucky. i knew it from the initial..i don't expect any contentment or even misery..as i don't know how it will be until the instance arrived

..but...now i know..


when i was lost in the darkness, it was just a dots of light that enlightened me..seeing it was such a relieved, it was just like i was in another world..just like i got tele-ported to another space..undoubtedly, i wanted this light to guide me forever..to save me and lead me to a place that i could start breathing again..however, lights are not the SUN, it is not perennial..as i was in the other space, only the present that exists..with this, every steps i take, buds of flowers appeared and bloomed like a living that was just born..so virgin yet so beautiful and peace..but possessing it have a risk..it will either be a passionate scenario or it might be as evil as u can think of..or maybe it is the orbs of HEll or the lambency from HEaven...i couldn't determined..but for sure, it never fails to brighten the life of mine..still whatever can happened at anytime..

snooZy wUuziE

everyone seems to b so tired today...studies are hectic and taking all our time...cant wait for 3month holiday...i need a break but first need to catch up with the subjects that, well, i missed alot/skipped alot.. this is wat happened when i am in such a money-minded state...i have no choice because petrol is expensive and need pay this pay that...i need to have my own income...luckily performances i did was fun!

yesterday scandaman n i was syaing bout CHARM and the new intake ppl...feeling sad as i heard cheewei saying in 3yrs time alot of them will b working n perhaps 50% of CHARM senior will quit..in lrt talked alot bout the time we're in spore n johor...was so fun and realizing cheer2007 have make our friendship bond closer!..but soon...some of us will surely b quitting...is so sad..i started to miss each n everyone...cant imagine wat will happen to CHARM without the seniors!





im so dead with my education now...so dead...so so dead....am dead...

what i want..(this is so random)

so bored...well jsut random...

this is the things that ive been longing...well im still tyring my best to get it...haha..
so anyone wanna sponsor?





this is victoria secret 800 carat bra...so pretty and beautiful...i want it! ahha though my boobs nt dat big lah..ahahah well it costs millions..so ahahha im just kidding....











and this is N95! so cool...i will try to get it though..ahahah....or mayb i can get....This (below)
LG PRADA! ahhaha still tn cool enough ahahah i have 1 more...that is...

IPHONE!!!!

nEXT UP IS camera...
i really need a camera....i want this so badly....
Olympus μ 770 SW.

also this...
it's glow by j.lo...it's been quite sometime now this fragrance but i still ahvent get it....
the scents are so angelic seirously i lurve it!
not too strong nt too soft..just fine!

or mayb this...
still by j.lo

or this
glow in the dark by j.lo!
ahahah
y i lurve j.lo perufme so much...? i donno

• besides all the pics above....i still wanna alot of thigns..ahahah
• so broke!
• i wan dell white laptop
• i want sneakers which i donno which 1 shud i get it....
• i wan bearbrick
• i wan transformer..ahah kidding'
• i wan surprise@!!!ahaha

short updates

sorry guys for nt updating...has been so hectic nowadyz coz of thozse short short but yet killing me exams....and also cheerleading coz got eprformance..which i will nt wanna missed it coz indeed i need money so much! yeah so desperate hehe...wat to do need to pay this pay that....anywya datz nt important rite..ahha...

k where shud i start lerh..nth much actually....oh i got shortlisted once again for the great eastern schoalrhsip...among all the utar ppl dat went for that interview...im the oni 1 got it! woohoo! okla mayb or mayb nt im a step closer to having that schoalrship..i really hope i can postponed the exam or bring forward my exam so dat i can b free ont he day of accessing...not sure how they're gonna access me this time....how i hope it is the last n for all! ims o tired of goign ere n there for this man....whatzmore uni is gettign tougher n tougher for me....my calculus results is nt that favourable...so haihz...just liek wat chin hong say...mayb i jsut nee dto move on and slowly adapt to it..im adapting though...but just so hard..cant stop thinkign bout hw others can cope with their studies....well everyone noe that cheerleading is my apssion n mayb thatz wat makes me take cheerleaidng as my firts priority...coz thru cheerleading i can dance i can train lotsa thigns....so sometimes i actually dont feel guilty fo skippign class coz of practices..ok this si bad i noe! i feel bad nt coz i skip class...i feel bad coz i trouble my fren to help me sign my name! sorry guyz..im such a lazy bitch!

i tried to take leave sometimes bt u noe hw inefficient is utar office ppl....dman inefficient...haihz....procedure like ages long lidet...hmmmph....
soon someone bday is coming!ngekz* ngekz* wonder who...kla i donno y im so happy for that....not like i will celeb it.....at this very moment i miss goob..goobiez where r u? when r u coming back? wein i hope we can go out again! jo i wish that i could stop cheerleading for someitmes n we can go crazy again.....lixin i hope u can actually keep in touch with us so that i wont doubt of msging u coz i feel liek im disturbing u....l.

these few dayz..many thigns happened to me....
is all desperation, desperation, desperation....
uni sux sux sux....
and everythign just seems so chalenging to me..haizh.....nt sur eim tryign to say..coz is ahrd to be explained.....

this show rox man! love it so much! though im ignorant bout transformer (not anymore *winks*) it just so nice to watch n i guess i fall for them...! ahahah...seriously i wanted to watch the second time...!! i don mind..hehe....

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

29 june 07

went to RUUMS KL to support my fren DENNIS... though ALAM won..but i guess dennis is better coz of his variety of dance styles he can do....SUE is so hot n i really love her..ahaha...but guess malaysia just love alam...sigh* i din eat my dinner..was so hungry and thirsty u noe...i so in need of camera coz when the wonner announced i don get to take pics coz my h/p batt died....sigh...really need a camera...after that headed to makan n jeremy suggested to go his hse for buffet..end up kena conned coz there aent any bufeft...so finally decided to go murni ...bout 12+am oni get to eat..haihz...and til 2.30am oni i reached home..so tired....but it was a greta day...sorry for the blur image coz i oni use a lousy phone....

jeremy driver for the day! n eric besides him

the top20

top4 finalists!!! dennis in orange attire

top 4! alam, dennis,sue,brancy...den in orange again..

rashmonu performing...izzit rashmonu ah? ahahah

it's live show!!!

rapper dont know who

DJ doing their thing

anyway congatulations Alam!

DENNIS U'RE THE BEST


Suhaili u're the bomb!

Brancy u're a Great competitor!

cheer2007

my life's slowing down currently. sorry guyz for nt updating my blog..well, im trying to think how should i blog nowadayz. coz u noe my blog is so pathetic. anyway bout cheer2007:~

first of all i shall say this yr is awesome! everything is just so fun so cheeky so great! and Sarah Tan was oen of the host with Jien...love sarah so much..i hope to c amanda soon.but seems like donno where she go.yanuz (the hot judges for so you think you can dance reality show was there as judges for best dance choreograhy.) he's so dman HOT.. and im the score keeping fella..who staple the scoresheet n colelcting the scoresheet fromt he judges..whee! apparently i get to know th emarks and i get to sit at a place where hundreds of people would wanna sit! withotu squezzing n perfect view of the front! muahaha...so i get to b so close with yanuz, the miss malaysia/universe, sarah tan and others...whee! so as u noe, i get to know who's the winner first, and thus, i gotta act like i dont know anything n scream anf yell at the same time(so fake*) when they announce th ewinner...kinda spoil the atmosphere i had la...hahah..but then oh well! i edi expected ADYNAMITEZ to win..coz they rox! and ocoz im ex-dynamitez must sokong dynamitez...dynamitez th ebomb man..don play play..as usual 1! nyahahah...im so proud of dynamitez..they did superd routine..n i mean SUPERB!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Dynamitez mascots..so cool!

and as for the CHARM! luckily i din drop on my ass when doing my tumbling..was so worried coz i actually sprained my elg dat day..but then still able to suck it up..n i thik coz i sprained my that leg b4..so my partticular ankle kinda flexible...and yea i did it! wohhoo! and CHARM did a greattt-kick-ass job! it was sucha greta honour to b part of the routine seriously...as chee wei said we r CHARM da national team! we shall show off! wahaha...n luckily did a fantastic unique and unexpected routine eh...if nt kena boo...not nice rtie..ahha...imagien hundredss of eople cheering for "WE WANT CHARM WE WANT CHARM" the feeling is just A-W-E-S-O-M-E TOTALLY... haha...ok gettign hyper d...if u wanna catch us perform! go to my friendster and check out d video! haha...or u could wiat till 15th JULY07 at 8tv 12noon to watch the cheer2007 show! u wont regret! sarah tan is just so simple but yet pretty...haha....oh n u can c our silky girls..ahhaa....u try to go to pharmacy liek watson in 1utama..u'll get to c CHARM silky girls!! ahahha i eman the poster..ahaha...so cool! and SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE also got CHARM interview with pics! geez im tn there sadness...ahaha...finally CHARM is getting publicity...hopefully people will know what is cheerleading n ocoz CHARM...(=

ok letz talk bout the first runner-up and second runner-up..that is shirtliff and vulcanz all-boys respectively....shirtliff really din disappoint us this yr...they r much better than last yr ...i guess they really wanna kick our ass....and yet this is a warning that dynamitez next yr need ot b superly duperly work hard to defend the champion! wah..hard work...and their routine especially tansition is awesome with greta expression but it hink Xavier got th ebest expression...if im nt mistaken...xavier props r damn nice im loving it..n ocoz TITANS sign is magnificent and creative...u should watch TITANS ending..u will b stratled by how nice their props too....VULCANZ all-boys got 3rd which i think they deserve it coz they r like a symbols that tells cheerleading is nt only for girls but guys as well..and doesnt mean they r CC-fied ok...they did a greta job n whatzmore they r strong n with a great smile! woohoo!! ok dat zbout it....

after that we(CHARM) with the 2 U.S judges went to mid valley the picollo mondo's to eat our dinner.....as wat marcus' blog says...dont know y we celbrating also..aagagga....btu having so much fun....n after that when evryone bloated ...we play game...a very scary and lame game....is liek if u lose rite...u will b punished to do somehting LAME!!! btu it cracks my ass off..so funnnnyyyyy!! especially oen of our member called John..haha EElyn punished him to go to a stranger and point at him..and den..........laugh at him!!! ahahahha damn funny..u shoudl c the guy face...feel shocked n i guess is the best time for ppl to whack him up! hahaha so funny la....is liek u point at him and laugh..ahah..just iamgine a stranger comes towrads u n point at u n laugh..ahahah...funny shit....and another victim is ScanDaMan...ahaha she got punished to go upt he escalator n sing the elmo's song and happy 3 fren song...ahahah dat zso funny and cute....another is annie...she got punished to run up and escalator that is goign downwards..ahahah....pity her...eelyn got punished to do cartwheel in fornt of coffe bean...wat a retards...hopefulyl noone puke out their coffee while lookign at this retards doign cartwheel at the main antrance of the coffee bean..ahaha damn funny....and last but nt leats is.......our CAPTIAN chee wei..ahahah he got punished to follow a perosn behind n if the person turns to looked at him, he need ot act as if he donno anythign...ahahahah dman funnnyyy...we r such a freak! CHARM is retards on that day...evryone int he shoppign cnetre is eye-ing on us..ahahah...bising orang....ahahha

retards in mid valley!

yanuz!! so hot..sad i din take pics wiht him..he's just surrounded by fans..ahah

with 2 samnatha...the U.S judges...they r so fun to b with..imagine the white 1 is 18 and the green 1 is just 17..omg....swt!

sarahtan!!! she's so pretty so sweet...so ncie smile...whee!!!

wein i got her pics!!!hahaz...

quiz

haha took this quiz...thought he image is so lame..haha...but i kinda agree with the results though...wahahah....

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)

You're Element is Light. You are friendly, happy, social, bubbly, and can brighten up any one's day! You are very kind and a real people person because you have several friends (or atleast should). You're cheery nature makes you lovable and your stunning looks are sweet and stand out. (please forgive me if you cannot see the pics. If you go to my userpage then you can see your result picture at the bottom)
Take this quiz!

i need rest

i need a vacation rite now..
im feeling so breathless nowadayz..
though im really excited bout cheer2007;
i needed to take a lonnnnnnnggggg hols just to cure myself and eliminate all the stuff in my brain rite now..test1 is just next wk..and i dont even know what i've studied...screwed me...
ah! im being tortured by nt having to talk as much as before...ah!!!
i found this sneakers so fweaking nice...i wana have it but it's kids size..i hope they'll hv size 4..ahahah...but i really paiseh to ask for kids shoes..ahah..
so short la this post...kla nth to sya d..ahhaa....

is a good n nt so good day for me today....

great eastern scholarship interview

yes yes i know all of u waited for so long for this post rite...*u-know-who-u-r*
my interview went well la though i kinda stuck coz of the question they throw to me..im total ignorant..first thing we need to do is to write a 30mins essays....without discussion n the questiion is the same as everyone....was so hard ler..haha mayb im just plain stupid...well i cant tell u watz the question coz this is a blog n if i ever said it here..wat if some of the unknown ppl havent attend the interview yet? den terbongkar ler...i managed to write on time lah just dat very low marks...after that got 2 sessions of interview..my first session is fun but soemtimes the qt they asked me is like i never thought they'll ask...they expect me to know everything about utar...weird...oh n got 1 interviewer looks like nanny mcphee...im serious...hahah but she's so funny...

sry guys ...allow me to stop ere coz i wanna go for my claSS d...n later need go practice straightaway...! bah! tiredness......

to be continued...

=======================
ok continue....

and den i went to the 2nd session of interview...the questions are more serious...i actually answered it badly...perhaps er really make no sense at all...but i just dont want to make it worse so i apologize n request if i could change the answer..i think if u really donno..please dont hesitate to tellt hem that u donno lah..but also dont keep saying u dont know coz it'll make a bad impression...try ur best elrh...until u really cant....so uhm...n den i get to pull thru..so phew* but it is very important to be able to sell yourself...seriously..i donno hw i sell myself to them but i just say wat i wanted to say..just b true to urself..dat is how u can get comfortable n confident u noe...but the best part is...despite myself for nt worrying bout i answer or im smart or not...i just hope i dont stop when im answering....though i feel like im talkign nonsense...well datz just me...n i promised my dad nt to b crappy..but aiyah...fail..ahagga...anyway the guy (who throw question to the deepest to us most fot he time" compliment me! wahahaha...eeks happy lerh....
eh nt bad mah..out of the 5 ppl im d oni 1 got compliment....kakaka....imagine got ppl admire u..n smao is an interviewer....ahahha....*kembang*
but then cannot be happy too fast..later the higher the hope, the hardest i will fall...ahaha..so i just keep my finger crossed...well i cant dney ir eally wanna work there lah..the ppl is just so nice!! n it really looks liek big company..ahahha...

uhm guess dat zall i hv to say lah....nth much....interview is alwiz scary u noe..ahaha...btu just get used ot it lah.....now i hoep i am 1 of the lucky 1 lerh....pray hard*

sleepy sleepy tired tired

yea dat explained all about today...
not sure y...i think due to the hardcore practice i had yesterday...
till now still not fully energized myself...
several things bout my shcolarship and schedule are killing me...for now...
wanted to sleep peacefully but evrytime got disturbed by humans...
sometimes i want to be disturbed but yet noone is available to disturbed me...
sigh*
anyway..today in class i fell asleep out of sudden without me realizing it...
was writign halfway n oopss...ter-tido...ahhaha...
but still able to write like i donno what im writing at all...till my fren woke me up...
kakaka....seriously when i looked at what i wrote was darn funny...
time flies....
tmr is practice again! O.K.!
must menatlly prepared and go up!
yeaman....
p/s: im quite worried....

Eeyore

YEAYYY!!!

yeap today i got my eeyore! sub-chars from winnie the pooh...ahhaha u noe gaurdian hv this stamp stamp thingy so that u can redeemed these plush toys...yeay i finally got it for free after hard time of colelcting the stamps...ahaha...so expensive this toys..aihz but i love it...donno y lah i like all this 1...but i noe im just hangat-hangat tahi ayam..but isnce i know someone, i begin to cherish my toys! hehe....now i wanna redeem pooh coz big sis wanted it...aihz..i wanted kangaroo...oh weird thing is they dont have piglet...noe y? oz malay mah..mana boleh ada babi kan? wat la..i wan piglet as well..cis....anyway im a malaysian must learn to tolerate..but still..haihz is just a toy....

papa...

Dear PaPa...

being a horrid child, i know that no matter what i do, u will never feel happy bout it coz this is the stereotype u have on me...but i really hope that someday i could tell u this...

i've written this before in my free-essay writing during my first year sem1 foundation in english class and i wrote, "my father is lanky and skinny. however, do not be denied by his appearance because he is able to provide us security and ability to take care of us." yes i said this...without papa, i'm not gonna be able to survive till now. other than providing us income for our everyday life, everything regarding the cars, house, bank and stuff, we turned to you. though often we will begin with an unavoidable quarrels, u will still help us out and make sure we learn and be wiser. i know what u did is good for us. but, everytime we're in a commotion, words really hurts and i hope u realised that sometimes u just need to control. or else, we're gonna b distanced. to be frank im kinda scared whenever u're here. besides the dark side of our daughter and father relationship, we do have the love for each other. still, u r my dad. i thank u for evrything u did for us and i'm really sorry for wat i've done to you..i love u papa...i hope u will be happier each and everyday! stay healthy and i will be hoping for the day where we r back again just like before! white straind of hair of urs is obviously seen, and no doubt papa u're getting old .i wish that we could help u out and i understand is hard for u, only u alone to take care of us 3..and i wish i could really stop having a grudge on u...im trying so i hope u try as well...help me help urself...(=

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

@~@
@@@@@

~@~@@@~

@@~@~@

\/\/

----

//\\

today practice ended so late...i reached home like 12.45am! bah! luckily is friday and everyone surely go clubbing or night out..so i get to park my car nearer.. again..sorry guys for not posting up anything...because have been trying to think of what to blog..everytime blog about my unhappening life is just so pathetic...and boring rite....but since someone actually thought im that busy till i din post anything besides only a single line post...so i need to blog something to show that im still alive!

ahahah

im currently broke again...after paying for my unit exemption...im broke...i gotta used up my ang pow money though i plan to save it! again failed! grrr....and i owe my sis money aso...n petrol is killing me..alot of things need money as well...lately i'm having an unbalanced diet and my timing is all jumbled up...whenever i get to rest, often there'll be something for me that i need to do...sometimes im not trying to be lazy but if u actually have lack of rest, u definitely be happy about having a day off where u can rest all day long without doing anything rite?...sigh i envy my sis for having to go holiday and leaving all the duty behind....i cant deny that i felt abit annoyed coz im busy enough...the only time i can sit down and relax is at night...no wonder im so immuned to it...haha

wah boring post...

today noone online!!!!!!!!!!!
at this time i mean....sigh* i got noone to talk to....
oh yea im quite happy today..one of the reasons is that my primary fren added me in friendster..ahahah ok u might thing this is not a big deal..but for me it is... because im trying to find her contact but it just failed....imagine is primary!!! only now we can finally keep in touch again! is such a miracles! i recall back many happy moment during primary with her..she change alot..i culdnt recognized her but somehow i recognized her ahhaa...wth im talking...

guess shall post more tmr lerh...
coz i guess u all already fall asleep
ahahha...boringgggggggggg

im nt sure if this is ally..ahah..

so cute so fat so chubby...adorable betul...ahahah....

random

LIFE'S SUX BUT LOVE'S A BITCH...

HAPPY BIRTTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY
19TH
BIRTHDAY
JOAQUIM!!

XOXO

so cute

so cute...
i got this from captain ming email...ahaha
so darn cute..
i hope my future kids will b like this...
ahaahhaa....
i just lurve lurve lurve it ...so adorableeee

random

i just realised goobiez go n post up my precious book's content! ..eeks malunye.....great la she...cis...
anyway nothing much 2 say today...
all i can sya is my calculus is dying.... coz the lecturer has a weird tone of voice...too fast and sharp and aiyah just weird la and couldnt listen wat she said...sadness...
anyway tmr is friday and hopefully classes end early....sigh*
tiring! coz of boredom and av...
how come none of you call me out to watch movie????
i want watch POTC, shrek 3 and more!!!!!
please call me!!! ahahah *desperate*

E[=

got request from sw dat i need to update my blog...sorry girl...i've been so tired lately due to having AV and also practices plus studies...well not really studies lerh but having to go to uni and cant deny it, it is so boring n the weather sux..my slk's air-cond retarded some more. sigh* just like having sauna inside..

updates bout my uni

it is the 3rd day in my degree..so far nothing seems to interest me--lecturer, subjects, surroundings, etc....still trying to figure out who's in my class because currently i just get to attend lecture class as tutorial n practical nt gonna start on this week. thus, i can only hang out with square and frenz but they r in diff class. sobness... some of the people in my lecture's class were just plain noisy. i mean if u wanna make some noise n make the class happening is ok but the thing is these ppl just interrupting the class n not even saying something that is funny..somehow i missed cheng kiat, chi liang, and chong (foundation's fren) who alwiz hype up t he class...wahahaha....
im gonna out of clothes to wear...so dead...seriously im broke again...and i have lost sense of what to wear to uni d...ahahah...frustrated...is like the weather is sooo hot..but in th eclass is sooo cold...can get sick soon...i hope my slk is fine....just so worried....sigh*
today after programming class, i joined square and frenz to makan and we planned and waited like so damn long just to decide where to go and how to go...finally we went to PA to take our results but later on..plan changed...coz xiao sun they all wanna go millennium square which i donno where izzit..moreover, i dont wanna go there coz noone sending square back..so i decided to call square to teman me makan in kfc so dat i can send her back to mc. coz she alone lerh...dangerous! haha...called zack till we wanted to vomit blood* coz she din picked up the phone...grrr! ended up oni both of us hanged out together in kfc...saw ms samantha and ms sharmila i guess...izizt sharmila..ahaha....anyway they recognised us..and we did talk for awhile...ahah....so datz my day in uni.

i went home so tired n slept for like 4 hrs before heading to practice!..routine is superbs and is sooo ambitious...tiring and dangerous...CHARM is so cool! and i got so many goodies fromt he shape mag and aso silky girls...too many lipglosses now...i guess i no need buy d for 2 yrs...cant finish it..oh n aso got underwear ahahah....eh from wacoal 1...nt bad...ahha...

enuff of my uni n practice...
my life's just so dead...


random...

supposing i wanted to post this up on last Sunday but i was too tired again so i actually forgotten bout it...but yet it remains in my mind so vividly. gymnastic on that day was never been so emo..haha y i say so...coz of my fren, choo.. i remember she said something which makes me so alive ..mayb alive is not the right word to describe the state of mind im in at that time but yea is more or less dat kinda feelings..well i hope she can move on..saying this im trying to deliver it to my own as well..rite here i wanna thank her for listening to my hiccup n saying the wonderful words that i'd never tot that someone will actually said that to me..haha...well choo i will appreciate and love myself...for true beauty only can be seen in the inside..i hope u can be happier than b4...*hugz*

it is exactly 4am now...im tired but yet i refrain myself from sleeping...nope not that i got insomnia this time..is that im refraining..bah! my vow has broken once more...anyhow i dont know wat to say bout wat im thinking now...or mayb what i get myself into...
all iw anted to do is to get thru the days as long as i can and as much as i can..
as long as i could sense the joy in me...
but will it be taken away when i reached to the top of just ..joy?
goobiez must be thinking that life's depressing...
well i still dont think that way though...haha...coz i believe i still havent enjoy life yet...when i do, i know dat life's beautiful..just like it is purposely created for me!...ahah...u wont know rite...
noone know the future....

~me signing out!~

1st day in degree

this will be a boring post cause my life is starting to get bored.
as most of you know, this period shall be the school holiday! but not for the people who are in colleges and universities as this time may be the examination time or like me, beginning of a semester. sigh*

as i entered to the building that seems like a building of suffocation,
i began to observe the people around me. pretty different from my previous foundation building but yet still maintain the poor accommodation.

i was blurred and looking like a lunatic going back and forth just to find a particular class. kept my finger-crossed that i will not be alone and that i will meet up someone that i know. and woot* i saw them! i was in desperation that i leap into the room and started to converse with them.

my very first class was indeed the basic professional writing which is pretty obvious about the purpose of this subject. since is our first lecture class, it ended early...i was relieved! haha because the lecturer is so expression-less that even if she tell something lame, she still looks like she's not been smiling for ages. scary*

i was surprised that a girl from my secondary school who i didn't know at all, recognized me..the reason is that i was a prefect in my secondary school so i actually jaga her class before...wahahaha..i thought that she must be hated me since she can still remember my face.but nola i so friendly rite...haha....

i didn't sleep at all before that and so i was darn tired. once i reached home i online awhile and i just hit the sack..lucky for the rain that i the venue of my cheer practice changed to a place that is so convenient for me.

i finally can sleep longer. but no! i was flooded with sms from SHANA. so i just gotta reply n sleep awhile n reply n sleep in the end is like i didnt get to sleep at all..

now im darn tired coz of cheer practice..stamina so low lah lousy me...im gonna looks like a man soon..seriously! no kidding.. but i guess definitely worth it!

for once im gonna sleep early because noone gonna wake me up anymore when i have class at 8am...(u-know-who-u-r ahem* wein* ahem*)

just in case the parking spoils my day, i need to wake up early n park my slk! sadness...stupid utar not strategic at all the place...find la a land that is big enough to park cars!

---

how long more should i follow the footsteps that is left by you;
how many more challenges and obstacles that i need to deal;
how can i ever not be human just to stopped my heart from beating;
how can i try to understand what i want when i do not even know what exactly i want;
how can i find the truth that lies within my feelings;
how must i differentiate happy and contented;
how must i differentiate the pain and the hurt;
how i can answer the question how when i'm basically asking the question of a question;
*silent*
move on and i will find more clues.

degree

eeks tmr strat my degree d...
sadness...aiyah no mood to blog d....

geisha is pweetie

angel of mine

i believe true frenz do exists..
i have!
(=
though doubt can will exists coz no one will foresee the future..
but is already enough and exceed my expectation of the period we spend with each other..
tonight was heavenly...
is like being in a paradise that is indescribable...
only can be truly felt within our own heart!
all i could say is THANK YOU for being there for me my fren!

do believe in miracle human!

a day to remember...

if i ever read back my post...

i hope this will be the post that reminds me of this very special day..

a day where i truly feel the multiple feelings swirling like a tidal wave in my soul..

im not imagining, not hallucinating, not thinking..

but i definitely feel it...

to make it even discrete...

it begins by having the enthusiasm...enthusiasm for me to actually finding thigns out by myself..

moving on to independant...independant for me to stand by my own...finding true enjoyment of loneliness...

wrapping up with warmness..so warm that i will not doubt and go ahead to do something that i will never count its risk.

possessing the satisfaction....satisfaction of getting the task completed....

threatened by doubt...doubting the nonsensical things that im doing for an unknown purposes..

ponder by frustration....dilemma and in a state of paranoia...

soon covered by professionality...able to work and a splendid occasion...

surrounded with worries....concerned bout my fren...so hard to mend the broken heart...how i wish i could let outmy anger...let the fume delivers my message to my fren..how silly she can be..worries oh worries...

happiness finally present...happiness dat is untold undefined..for i've opened my eyes...

sadness i defend...forbidding ti to enter in my life..for it is toxic and evil omen of mine....yet it is there..it will alwiz b there....yet to come....

check it out! so funny=)

TttiireD

yesterday i was so tired..exhausted...
hvaing muscle pull n aching evrywhere since sunay gym den mon having 2 practice at once pulak...
but then is good for building stamina i guess...so i slept quite early...wake up quite late...
ahahha...so it was a good sleep for me...but then i feel like it's wasting lotsa my tuesday's time...
and now dat leeping went to sg long...i lost 1 kaki to go out again...sigh*
mon prac was a great dissapointment to me coz indeed i didnt do well...
i was somehow very self-conscious....it makes me feel like im so lousy sometimes...
but i wanna progress....looking at evryone i hope that im not a loser...
but....

---

tmr is orientation...it sounds so depressing to me as if im goign to utar for the first time...
wat to do..the oni 1 that i noe is only zeying n chin hong..yea wahh oni 2? geez...
im so lazy and i bet tmr i will overslept...and now dat i havent settle my financial problem yet....i couldnt go for japanese class...ocoz i wanted to continue but the thing is i dont have the courage to tell my dad...by the time i tell him i guess there wont b any place left for me...if till then still go t place..kla i will go..ahaha....c la how...
finally, today there's a page in BIZ in Star newspaper that talks about actuaries...if those of u who don't really know wat is actuarial science/actuaries do....den just take like 5mins to read that page...is in the centre of the BIZ that pages....is not all about earning lots of money...is more to using ur sensibility n wisdom i guess....well u c i dont seems to b in that course...bah! y must i doubt i wonder why why why....

---

oh and yesterday again...i went to redbox...just hv an outing that *AHem* "organize" by goobiez(u noe who u r)...with leeping b4 she leave to sg long...and we have so much fun coz aiyah once i get to go out i surely have fun 1...coz i SS...ahahha....but while both of them are singing chinese songs..i camwhore myself...n later when is my turn to sing english song....dey makan...ahahahha....wella t last i noe few chinese sogn that i noe! i din use my lyrics book eh...ahahha....great improvement...leepign say my chinese not bad..ahhaha...*winks*

broke

ah ah...
is not <3>
is im broke...
i got a saman...huhu...unpaid saman! 100bux weyh..
in just about 5mins im away frm my slk...
the smart-ass-got-nothing-to-do mbpj come n saman my slk...
once again im sorry slk for leaving u alone lidet...but hey i noe u think people are askign for ur autograph? gosh im insane...*scream* 100bux...
how much can i deduct from appealing tell me!!!!!!!
i need to save so much...
from now on i guess i need to starve myself...
instant mee all the way...and treat my dad extremely good (*impossible*)
so dat could get extra bux...
huhu T__T pathetic...
any performance CHARM????please count me in ...
i needed money rite now...
or any of u wanna donate to me? sponsor?
now i feel guilty fo getting the adidas jacket...
y must it be this way? am i destine to not able to enjoy life...?
i did this like once in a blue moon!just to get somethign to compliment myself...
is this a crime?
sigh*
how i wish i really get schoalrship again...but i really dont feel like getting the schoalrship i apply because i need to have 3yrs bond with them after i graduate..yerh i wanna work in some place that i put my effot to got hru the proper interview n stuff n work there...but well ont he other hand i really need scholarship...wah dilemma!!!!!!(not like i will b getting the schoalrhsip but then i need the schoalrhsip)and all this applying financial support is just total nutz coz u keep on photocopy the stuff which cozt u like at least 5 bux...n times by donno hwo many schoalrship u aplying..in d end coz u like tons! but end up not getting any responds frm them...not to forget posting it as well....ma fan....ive been this situation b4 my foundation..and it's sux...so if u ever wanan apply allt his thing..think twice...unless u r rich lah..unlike me 5bux aso sya cost me alot...
blame myself for not being genius or even smart ...someitmes i hope ima nerd that oni noe hwo to study n scores well n keep studying for my entire life till i end up in hospital bahagia....but then...is just kidding k..i dont hope to b crazy...it is shitty too...
degree is just so near to my life....*taking a deep breath* i shall breath when i can still bretah now...i dont noe watz ahead of me...all i noe is it will b lifeless...utar is nt where i can get used to..mayb for now...communication is a problem...but yet the major problem is there's oni a small patch of ppl that i could actually get along......shall say im the odd 1 there...being a banana is not easy u noe...but i lurve to b banana...at elast is unknown..ahahaha..and i wouldnt need to care wat ppl say...i can ignore anytime i want....i dont know if i can sense the smell of the first day i step into utar again or not...but i think most probably will..the smell of loneliness, new world, weird ....just weird smell...but eventually u will get used to the smell...*so ironic*
but my whole new world will b absolutely competitive world...
just imagine u are a primary tecaher working with professor!
yea da feelings is lidet coz i'll b studying with whoel bunch of 4.0-cgpa-people...
interetsing....oh wat am i get myself into!!!!!

i got tagged!

5 things found in your bag
>wallet
>cardholder
>pen
>keys(car and house)
>tissue

5 things found in your purse/wallet
>ic
>money ocoz
>coins
>receipt
>namecards

5 favourite things in your room
>bed
>comforter
>pillow
>bags
>accessories

5 types of humans
>liars
>hypocrites
>blissful human
>bipolar human
>genius

5 things you've always wanted 2 do
>sleep
>meeting up with angelina jolie or oprah or gaspard
>going to japan with mama and sis and my other half(winks*)
>b a volunteer
>make a difference in ppl's life

5 things you are currently in2
>onlining
>cheerleading
>skateboarding
>sneakers
>emo-ing

s#!t Day no.2

haiyoh today im having such a bad day..
grr...
y y y y y
)=

random

nowadayz nth happenign in my life...
so i'll just briefly type out some crapz and dull stuff for u guyz..
every odd day i hv practices which already taken half of my day...
and every even day i'll try to go out n hang out with frenz..which is darn hard to plan an outing with them....
finally yesterday went out with my old-frenz....ahaha...
and we went to mcD centrepoint...
talk like non-stop(or mayb is me only) frm 9pm to 1am...
ahahah
boleh tahan elrh me....and ai wee actually laughed till her jaws became numb...
ahahah so exaggerate lah...
it was fun to actually hv a group of fren get togeda n just talk n talk n talk...
besides just gossip...we were more to tellign out lifestyle recently...
so kinda interesting...ahhaah

i couldnt enjoy my holiday any longer....
so soon den i'll have my orientation...sounds liek orange..ahahah anyway crapz!
sigh* sigh* sigh*
n i don hv money to pay for it yet....abit worried...
yet i havent sent those schoalrship forms..
sow eird lah i feel coz my resutls so bad but insist on getting a schoalrsip...
grr...life's such a bitch soemtimes....
but i love it somehow..ahahahah

dowan talk about studies...makes me stressed...
oh thx joaquim for ur candies and chocolates frm U.S.
is yummylicious....really makes me relieved...
ahahha

iw anna watch movie....haihz...


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

don't want to have hope
dont want to have imagination
dont want to wake up from my dream
just want to go through life the way it is...

..it is sad to know that even your very own family do not really know who u really are..

human

straw: thanks for mentioning banana in ur blog..keke...well at least u din say ah na...or did u actually said that...cis...but anyway...is my pleasure to share my deep thoughts which seldom people understand to you...sorr i couldnt help much but then mayb someday u'll understand...so as i say million billion times...i'll wiat for ur feedback someday....wahahah...

regarding my title for my post today...hmm what i can actually relate to it...
well maybe i shud begin like this..

human oh human..
we never know where we're actually from..
we never know where we gonna end up at..
we definitely wont know what will happen in future..
human like us can never stop asking for more...
bad ppl is everywhere including u and me
coz we're sinner i supposed...
is so hard to b good people...
sometimes u do heard people saying that monk is good...
well GOd is good..and den ur bf is good..ur mtoher is good ur fatehr is good
and on n on n on...
but have u ever say that urself is good?
so hard to say it unless those really have thick skin...
wat im trying to say is no1 is perfect...
we r human n human make mistakes...
before u say others mistake...think about urself...
and think hw u shud say it...dont just say..
because speech is like a sword....
u need to be careful while u handling it...

basically i donno wat crap im talking..
mayb someday when i can really relate all the small parts of what im thinking now..
den i think..i think...it will b awesome..ahahah

hysteria

today besides being a special day for all the mother in da world...
is also a day i resume back to gymnastic class...
i missed being there and i missed the critics, the skills that yet to be learnt...
often critics are a way for me to discover wat i supposed to improved..
but sometimes when i just couldnt get it and thus i couldnt improve it as well,
it really bothers me...but....at least is something that i need to work on...
i have a priority den...
and today 8tv crew came...
and once agian CHARM on TV..whee..
when whole bunch of charm get togeda..hmm u noe wat it'll b like...ahahah
whatzmore we're on camera..hahaha
everyone went wild (those lame become lamer)
tell u we had a great time...
but never will gymnastic b relaxing...
i gain muscle again..woohoo..forever manly...gosh..bruises evrywhere..
sigh*
just pay more attention to th e8tv advert for cheer2007!
hahaha....mite c my blur face...eee ugly...
hahaha..but im nt sure when wil it b on tv...i aso donno..
often i'll missed it...

trying to cut the normal stuff i did...
i will move on to the next thing...

i watched national geographic at night...
ahahha..im so into discovery all those when it comes to not having to watch any nice show...
btu i do watch lerh ..
and guess wat...
have u ever heard of EL CHUPACABRAS?
hmm nope? but im sure u heard of UFO...
both similarity is that...u will never know if such thing really exists...
this is the EL CHUPACABRAS...aka goat-sucker...
y called that..coz this creature kills livestock with the most gruesome way u can ever imagine..
but lotsa scientist as alwiz try to prove that no such thing exists...
wateva it is...is up to us ...



i watched this topics till like so into it...
seriously i mmg love all this mystery stuff coz itz so amazing...
like myself..
im a mystery too...
ahhaha
too find out on this creature..just google it ..ahah...it tooks 1 hr for me to watched the national geographic so basically it's more interetsing but yet 1hr i gained too many info..ahahah....so i lazy to say it all out again...

frustration kills

all i can say is that..
i beh tahan!
coz of so many things...
im gonna b insane or somewhat having bipolar disease...
im nt so sure y these dayz i cant control my soul or my spirit..
sounds liek threatening my life but yet i cant do anything...
mayb someone is putting a curse on me...
*think too much*
eh but it is possible k...and this is so scary...
and i mean "scary"
ahahha

well donno la...i try nt to think so much...but i sense something somethign
just nt so right gonna happen to me
can anyoen sense it?
hmm...just hope i really think too much...


======================================

next up....
basically i got aot of craps to say...
but i just dont know where to start it...
saw kids sneakers today...
so nice i really want it..just a size bigger more than i cna fit in..
i justw ant size 4 but the biggest is 3..grr...heartbroken..ahahah
anyway the fella looks so discriminative when he sense that i wanted to buy kids shoe..
like wtf...hey! i can fit in can d lah...i just need size 4!
ahaha
and so cheap la...i sced i regret buying adidas sneakers...
u noe lah it costs alot...
but iw anted a sneakers lerh..
in my life i din buy b4 nike or adidas...
so i just want to get 1 ....
just O N E pair...
ppl alwiz say i got alot of sports shoes...
eh where got la...

oh almost forgot...
i wanna clarify something ere...
perhaps ppl may think im a very cool person n "ba bei" for the first impression
"really ???!!! sad i have face problem"
k but let me clarify this..
i don ok...im very firendly..is just dat yea i have face problem elrh...
n once noe me..im nt dat cool or corky at all...
soemtimes really lerh...i think i have face problem..gosh...
need to do plastic surgery..ahahah

i think im gonna have a hard time during my degree d...
i lost all my fren that can translate the conversation for me
seriously thanks to them i survive in utar...
but now...i donno...
i hope i can cope btw...

hapPy mother's day

to ALL the Mother in the WholE Universe

even the animals and plants and mother EARTH

ahhaa

HAPPY moTHer's DAY...

to my beloved woman!

Mi i guess the best gift that u want is that to get to see us rite..?

but then as my sis say we r such a filial daughter..

for so many yrs we havent been to NY to visit u...

coz of lotsa consideration need to b considered...

SORRY mum!

but yet u r alwiz special in my heart

u r my mother, my friend, my counsellor, my phsychologist, my angel

u're alwiz being so helpful in my life...

i miss u so much

but im still so doubt...not sure y...

anyway really glad u like the flowers!!!!

XOXO

i love u mum!

XOXO

penang again..

someone actually wanna noe bout hw is my penang trip..
well..is basically nth much to say d...
coz previous post already clarified..
and so it is clear!
so betetr read n use ur imagination ...
coz im so tired now dat i don feel like saying my trip frm day1 to day4!
haha....

oh and i got into top20 for cheer07 performing team..
really thx to chee wei for giving me th echance and still believing in me...
i hope i dont diaapoint him..
oh and im kinda pressured as im giving pressure to myself...
really hope dat i can handle it...
so wish me luck!

1st day of cheer07 prac

so this is wat happened to my back of my knee!
haha...it's bruised ...coz of constant stepping..
but im fine with dat..
proves that the flyer din step properly..and i admit
im a "WEAK" base...huhu~
need to work on my strength d....
anyway it is painful...i cant squad down at teh moment...coz it seems like swollened...
hopefully recover b4 fri...
which is oni 1 day to recover...
sigh*
asap plz...

PENANG TRIP!!

I'm back from penang!

guess by watching the short movie pics, u can get the rough idea of the entire trip..
it's in sequential order though..
haha...
enjoy!

p/s: wein...we rode on the banana boat!!! wahahah...

penang day 2

wah is only 11.15pm..
and im so liveless now...
wish could go out walk around.....
but hen horh...my frenz all sleep very early and they will b dead after 10pm...
wonder y r they so good girl..
wahahah....
just too bad....
anywya when they r so liveless, i felt the same way as well...
so right im here to blog again....

well nth much..oh let me tell u wat i did today...
i woke up at 9.20am...
and den we went 4 our breakfast nearby my fren's hse...
but since we r so late we missed all the food that is said to b nice....
anyway..anythign lah breakfast..i aso seldom eat breakfast....
den chi liang anf alvin soh aso join us as well...
ahhaha..
later we went to kek lok si...
so darn hot but camwhore damna lot...
next wen tto uhm...the famous 3 storey aqua shop...(pethsop)
and aso bought some biscuit frm forgot wat d/...him heang i guess...
den too tired..all dying d so end up our plan of going to various place all cancelled..
so leh we went home..den wait for BBQ!
ahahha....so damn full ...bloated like hell..
die d i need go jogging tmr...nvm tmr waking up early go makan dim sum...
ahahahaha
realli damn alot of food this bbq...haihz...cant resist

they playing mahjong now...i dont know hw to play...sienezz strike me again...y lah..
ahaha.....
still wondering wta did CHARM did....
i felt so far behind once again....
guilty aso...
whee tmr goign beach....
the wind the sea the sand the sky!!!

kla i felt so down again....straw u realli influence me d...ahahaha
sigh*

silent night

guess wat..
for the very first time..
everyone was shocked tat i came early to pudu!
often im the 1 who will alwiz late and overslept
yet today i still overslept coz i promise someoen to b there at 8am...
n he kinda "sei ban" coz din call me when is edi 8.08 n i havnt reached kj station...
coz b4 dat i told this fren to nt call me coz i will most probably scold him..ahaha
n he really didnt..sigh*
so sorry...
but overall i reached there earlier than i thought..
than yoon sin,weicyn and shing yee..ahahha
really thanks to my fren for sending me to pudu which i donno wher eizzit...
ahahaha

reached penang at 3pm!
nice bus bt still is a bus whihc often lack of the comfortable-ness ahaha...
it was such a small place...but yet we hv fun..
we did lotsa stupid things...
stays in tzyy shyuan hse n sheril hse...
got com so i blog abit...

*in a state of frustration and depression....shedding tears..but soon tmr i'll b fine like
fogetting watz happening int he past!*

au revoir

leaving to penang tmr...!
abit of uneasiness coz im still in a dilemma..
but yet i 'd make my decision...

will b back on monday...tillden...
adios!

avril-lavigne-when you're gone

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you



mayb u really r scary to me...
scares me to death that i dont hv the courage to stand for myself anymore...
i just dont know why..
already ive said i'll let u go...
freeing u away is my biggest humanity that i ever did..
coz i love you and that is why im letting u go as ive said b4...
but there's soemthing that i missed out...
im not that hapy since the day u're gone..im serious..
coz i m living in a place where there's oni fear surroudning me
and also the world that somehow dont seems to be mind...

somehow, i didnt just close the door...coz.....

lara fabian-i will love again

I will love again though my heart is breaking I will love again stronger then before
I will love again even if it takes a lifetime to get over you heaven only knows

But I've got to be strong tell me wut else can I do


but i just cant let go the fear i have in me...
mayb i just dont deserve anything...
(=

-----------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------

today i chat with straw..ahaha first time we've been chatting for so long..till uhm 4am?
well is truly unexpected...thank u for spending time wiht me straw!
hahaha

and cant stop saying how banana speaks mandarin..
cis...ok wert no meh...
ahhaha
anyway datz all bout today....

adios