national day

hey is national day yo..last nite didnt go for countdown...hahaz...though my sis all went to count...)=
in the afternoon yesterday, went to mc to revised my physics with frenz...didnt really study much lerh...coz i still dun get the pressure and the mood to study...
pfah! gonna b so deep shit for my exams...
last 2 dayz i slept for approx. 15hr...was so great! just hope that i can sleep longer actually....sleeping is my sensation! hahaha....while u sleep....u wont think of so many things and everything seems to b so peaceful...
geeezz...today spotted lotsa new movie..wanna watch evry single of it...
there's nth much i can say nowadayz....
basically....im still me....
im still struggling but improving....
no matter hw much i improved...im still pretending...
i saw many ppl's blog...so cool so happening...
i just feel liek im a boring person..
mayb i am...
or to b more specific....nt to offense anyone....i dun hv much fren...

talkign bout fren...
mayb for me...
i realli think that frenz doesnt last long...
wat makes me think this way...
coz i just feel afraid and i do not wanna put too much hope that my fren will b wif em forever...
though my intention for longign a "fren forever" is true...
jsut that i do nt want it to b like..the more i hope it'll gonan alst, the more im gonna disappoint later..
whatzmore most of my fren doesnt seems to know each other or keep in touch..though alst time often we say...keep in touch ya!...bt hw many of u all still keep in touch!?...

BUT...

i hv to say this...
that once in my life i know THEM...

Lx and joa!!!(=
they've been sucha great fren to me...noe joa since form 1... can still remember the time we hv the same ambition which is accountant...and she sit bhind me..haha... and who knows..we became such a good fren... i share every single thigns with her... doing crazy stuff and we go thru deep shit togeda and happiness togeda.... lx:~ though nowdayz she spend most of her time in perak...n sooooooo bz... still i wont forget her...just again...it aplied to me that "fren's doesnt last long..." but i TRUST her and i do not wanna lose a fren....she's been sucha godo fren...n i noe that i noe her more when im in form3 if im nt mistaken..she sit wif joa...and datz hw eevryhtign starts..haha....started to ahng out togeda wif them..bcame prefects togeda...ahhaha.... still love u all alot!!! <3

wein
i know this girl ere even more since this yr...she's been really helpfu..i guess..ahahha...sry wein...doesnt mean it..jk..ahah....she's real good pal lerh...smart person...cheh...and throughout the time in utar...we've been closer...and she help me out lotsa thigns...frm studies (copying) to accompanying me or spending time with me .....though somehow she dun treat me liek a fren..muahahah....and neglectin me most fo the time...but still she's a sweet and good fren to b with....

miza,cynn, zack, arwen, ting
these ppl r my utar pal...they're just so great to b with..most of the time hangiugn out togeda n getting through every single day in utar togeda...all r so damns mart...and really they're crazy, fun and ahem except miza..most of their mandarin is superb...??????....ahhaha...

Mag
she's my crazy, funny, cool, chatterbox, and friendly fren!...seriously wothout her my day during cheer practice will surely b so dead...lookign at her! she can amkes me smile! n we've been so supportive to each other...we just say wat we wanan say without feeling we're offensed...being togeda...we're so optiumist....or mayb is her who r optimist that makes me became optimistic too..aagaa....(=

Hh
this girl...really change the way i am...she's awesome n cool...and i can never forget the thigns she did and the time we hang out togeda...was so fun having her...was totally amazing for all the thigns she did...she's my colleague b4 dat... i admire the way she carry herself...the way she think...her personality...
she's the only one that actually i've been in so much coincidence with...frm clothing to several interests...freaky..!
till now...n i hope forever...i wont lose a fren like her....*wink*

^^
to all the peeps that i havent mentioned...i apologized...i mean id ont mean to forget u but thos ein primary school....thos ehappen to b tih me at the time b4...i still rememebr.....for e.g just to anme a few....sook mun, kim, faye teng, huey lin, tsu peng, leepign, gayle, may shi, chia wen, lilian, sook teng, sook koon, and etc....
i have a whoel anme lists of peeps in my life aight!@..so dun play play....just dat well mayb some day i'll post it? n u can try to find ur name!...
hm yes i realized there's no guys weyh..okla mayba few like christopher lim, edmund tan, siu hong, jian sheng, wai ken, shafiq, kah jin, and so on....

so im hereby to say to all my frenz....thank u so much...and all of u hv given me lotsa impact in my life...and the presence of u also helps me to see a new dimension in many perspective....thank u thank u thank u....

wee~

yesterday was my last day of studies for sem1...finally...i can put my exhausted brain to rest...for awhile only...sheesh! and soon....the hardcore revision will gonna take over my entire route...datz nt fun at all...btu wat to do...have to get through this...i hope i wont dissapointed my dad...and aso my mum...but my mum normally supports me in wateva i do...so ahah...dun get the pressure from her...
just found out...all my family gonna go eat dinner themselves...left me! datz so not fair....urgh!and im supposed to study rite now eh?...bt y am i ere...*chuckle* hmm(= datz just the way i am...

last week was great..getting to cam whore...lotsa times...aahh...and no hoemwork n reports d!..less tiriing...but still i've been sleeping late...hmph i noe i got sleeping disorder,,..ahaha...i will b missing my gurls...
and...eee.....im surprised my presentation got good achievement!...thanks to kien hong, soh nee and lili....u all r just awesome! hmm but actually....looking at mya ssignment compare to my academic grading...i feel like im still lack of wisdom...im not good in any subjects man...sigh*...hw...i wodner y...

just now was being so sensitive to all the stuff ** said...im cool! im cool! datz wat i kept reminding myself...eeks* eason's chan concert today....actually i wanna go...nt oni th epurpose to go with ** but aso i seriously wanna go for his concert...it doesnt matter now...too late to regret... but erm now..rit enow...still chatting with** but seems dat ** getting ready for the concert...but i feel abit uneasy lerh...coz ** goin out wif a person...i mean oni one?! hmm...i noe the way ** is..n i noe...soon another victim will b in...mayb im just thinking too much...so i do nt wanna think d....not my business...


2.07am...
just came back from dinner,outing and movie! hehe...yeap! saturday nite..datz hw i send it....i ate this pasta..which is not quite nice...too watery...bt oh well im hungry..ahahah so i just ate without any regret...bought a flip flop...and went to watch pirates of the carribean!!!! is a great show...hilarious...disgusting...and abit hard for me to understand....
i got abit miss about the time i went cathay wif **...well is past! yes is past...but too much memeory thatz stored in me especially the moment at nite...n ahahah well nt to b miss...the cuv...well thatz where i get to noe** rite...aahahso lotsa flashback came to me lerh....n whoops...tmr got church...gotta get upe arly...oh yea..let me state a short etstimony then....at this late hr...is totally impossible to get parking n aso same to the time i need a parking in the hapepning hr in shopping centre...but both time...i get to fidn aprking! phew~ thank u Jesus CHrist~...was so worried that know [arking space just now coz im afraid aso lerh...so dark..ahaha...n ....yes praise the lord again that everyhting went pretty well though...
i hope that exam ends fast...den we can go outing n den we can gather up whole bunch of the GurlZ...n we just go on a wonderful holiday!!! cant wait to go to the beach n surf!!!....*yea im kinda liek dreaming rite now..* ahahha too early to think of holidaying ...exams jsut hapepnt o be so soon...and whatzmore...my slip no. was just so big....n gotta b so far away frm my frenz...coz they seems to be in PD all the time..n im like gonan b in seminar room...one north one south...gosh...gonaan b so lonely )`=

seems to b unlucky

it "seems to be" unlucky...marked my words...is just seems to be!...normally b4 i blog ere i will c if there's anything to blog in my general blog...ahaha...n if u have read it...den u'll know what i mean by unlucky...
so, again, im lazy to say it again bout what happen...
i just wanna "PRAISE THE LORD!" that i can make it through all this kinda unpleasant situations...reali lerh...Thank You Jesus!
hv been started to go to church again...ACTS church was my new church..n no doubt that i still cant get used to the whole new people and environment...i hope i'll get used to it soon...pray hard*....
i guess most of u must b thinking for such a sudden i've become so Holly...n mayb some of u mite just think "aiya...Christian again...i dun wanna noe lah" so if u do think so...den u may just stop reading my utterky off n on being hypocrite as a a holly child...
but to make it clear...i wouldnt say im holly...or im innocent....i admit im bad...but im sure oni wee bits of peeps will know who exactly i am...n again im "seems to be" bad..ahahah...i admit i used vulgar wordings and stuff like that...for some reason ..it is a part of the matter..however, i must say...u just cant judge by only that...i didnt do any harm..and if u think i did..well y nt just let me noe...i know when to resist it though!...as some preacher sayz..."is either u (do it) or u NEVER (do it) at all"...
pfft..basically im trying to give myself a second chance...2nd chance to regain my TRUST to God and HOPE!
and i wish i can be a better person...
n able to survive what brings hurts!

why do all good things come to an end-Nelly Furtado

"flames to dust, lovers to friend, y do all good thigns come to an end"

just finished writing myspace blog...yeah from there u'll know how irritated i was coz 1 stupid idiot...well i dun wnana repeat it twice...so im nt gonna tok bout it...

going church tmr...or i mean today soon..ahahah....hoepfulyl my new church will give me some comfortable feelings...and that i can start a new beginning...n aso i can forget bout the past!....knowing that...i've found th econclusion...** nt gonna treat me as a fren anymore as we've not been talkign for ages....well though is just couple of days...just like we dunno each toher....sigh* y hv to b like this...
bt ohw ell..
im nt the 1 that could judge such things....so let it be..let it go...let it prove...

eeks yesterday nite..i dreamt a terrible dream...sucha nightmare to me...
it haunts me for a few seconds...
but now i cant reallyr emmeber .....i oni noe it gave some heartrenchign feelings....
and that it is bout ** n my primary fren
and is weird...i never tot that paricular primary fren will appear in my dream...is seriously impossible...i mean my thi sprimary fren called min li....who we used to sit the same transport to go school alst time...i dreamt bout her?...hmm?! weird...n scary...i still remember a lil bit of wat i dreamt...is basically 2 diff dream n i dunno hw they connect togeda though...but firstly...i was dunno y...went to min li's hse...for dunno wta purpose...i suddenly went into her hse..got lotsa ppl...basically her family...den dubnno hw...suddenly the mother or granma..i dunno elrh a woman...told me she passed away..n i broke down..seriously my tears...real tears run down my cheeks...n den...erm..wat hapepn d...i dunno lehr...den int he middle of the night...i walk back to my hse...feel so scary...but then all it hink about that time is my fren passedaway...realli since i din conatct her for almost 10 yrs...i wodner hw's she now...makes me wanna contact her..so worried bout her..but u noe...dre4am is just dream..not real...but hw true it is? no1 noes....

2nd dream....owh this is worse...i dun really remmeber that much..bt itsa good thing though....all i remeber is that ** tellign me hw she dun wanna let me go...(silly me*) den she feel so soryy...(bullshit*) and den er i dnno lerh...** just like make me feel so damn sad (foolishme*)....
wahh this kinda dreamSS...make me wanan die completely since it happens continuously....
wonder what it means...or does it means anything....thatz da prob....ahahah

just hope today i will get the answer or find out elrh if i can dream again..ahhaha touch wood...i shall not wanna dream these things again rite...ahahah...dumbass...

c this!

im too lame to actually post such things..but is so cute...
specially the pets!

speechless

im having a tough time lately.. ** hv been "jelak" towards me..and actually i know this day will soon b reached..so wateva..dere's nth i can do...anymore..i mean ive tried my best..

so silent again at nite..well just gotta get used to it..though the way my fren told me is kinda kiddy for wat i think...but is quite true..she said that since ** doesnt care bout my feelings, then ** is nt worth considering as a fren..&..the more i pushed, ** will get irritated and if i try to keep a distance frm ** and go on wif my life...mayb someday**will realised alot of things bout me!..kaka...sounds like just self-satisfying...let it go...let it go...

is outta my control anyway...

for a sudden..i wanted to know whatz goin thru in** mind...

however, im still in the process of mending my wounds back...and it seems like it is alwayz half way through...just give me some time ok...haha

finals coming soon...gosh...i must b a total idiot rite now...

claiming myself "uselss, silly, stupid" just so pathetic and makin others feel so pesimistic...

resisting it

yesterday..or mayb this morning...round 2am i guess...
we nearly quarrel...
though i want to scold ** damn badly...but y i resist it? im so soft-hearted...
useless me...i mean WHY...i changed topics so abruptly...it just so obvious..my goodness..feel so annoyed and irritated by myself....
tellign my fren more about wat hapepn to me...sometimes i questioned myself..im disgusted bout myself...but...well...i dun even care somehow...coz not like i told damn lotsa ppl...about my love life...it mite due to i dun hv any frenz...or i dun trust the frenz that i have..or mayb i dun think any1 should know as it's not liek they're interested after all...
if it turns out bad..im sure objections will wrapped me up entirely...

i've once said i let go...yes i did..im not trying to eat back my words..i justw anan say dat...letting go and loving ** r 2 diff things..letting go ...is dat i didnt long or desperate to have ** anymore..not liek b4 where i tortured myself till i suffer like im in a torture chamber...or i feel tormented or felt absolutely nonsensical...loving ** ..i guess tehre's no reason y i still love **..is da feelings...n i noe everyone will say.."aiyah feelings...wat can u judge tru feeligns?...knowing ** for hw long? knwow at is love meh?" well hw sure r u to judge?..ut hink u know dat well too? actually love ...love's created by oneselves i blif..i get this statement..trut he show i mention previously in my blog...if u ever read that..is not that im a movie freak or im sensitive...but it is logical...God's created love ... we r supposed to find it out individually...it cant b explain...for oni themselves know..likewise u asked those oldies who hv been married n stills o lovingly togeda...when they tok bout their relationship...we can oni imagine hw sweet it is but for them...there's deeper meaning within...we just dun get it...
is all up 2 u guyz whether u agree not....
im just expressing my view of point...

last nite...i wanna break down so badly...sadly i cant...ive tried...btu i just cant..i felt like i began to be so cruel...and as i din go church liek almost ages...i feel the guilt at the bottom of my heart...
having feelings are not a good thing rite now...God i want to cry out so loudly....please let me do so...just cant breath...

jsut another day

pftt..didnt blog for quite some time....

tot of creating sumthing..but i just got no idea now..i need some oomph rite now..

wonder y those blogger can write on and on..and almost 3/4 of it is about wat they did on that day..seems so boring..yea i did write that too...datz y i need soemthign interesting..besides all my ranting towards **...how can some ppl's life so simple and filled with enormous incident or activities..looking at my life..so patethic...when there's lotsa work for me to do...i complaining that i got no time..and when i got nth to do...im so darn bored..when im bored..i tot of the book ive read previously that say bored is a way to let us feel the tranquility...but i can tfeel any peacefulness...instead...my brain is working so actively that i'll start daydreaming n thinking lotsa thigns..

hazy! hazy! hazy!...so ahte it..makes my days worse..

i want to read a book...entitiled "how to live the life you want" if there's any...jsut couldnt find any easy to understand and excellent book...

nowdayz..i keep thinking what did i spend on till i've got no money..again..yes..again..most fo the tiem i spend it on food and petrol..both i mean..is a must..compare to last time..i don even noe hw to drive...yup mayb driving really get myslef into trouble..ahaha...when u know hw o drive..it actually leads u to many disadvantages...most touchwood but is true---when u wanna suicide...just bang ur car or turn it...i bet u will just gonan feel excited..n without knwoing u;re dead if u're lucky enuf..

aiks im stoning now..wat am i gonna do...so early...is just 2.41am...wat is ** doin?...so looonggg...wanan smack whack kick hit burn cook drill kill strangle **....wish u really helpign me to find wat iw ant and not chit chatting for that longg...thoguh i think u r chit chatting...btu wat can i do rite...non of my business...hate it

aihz plz stop being sensitive...

grandma have accepted Jesus..Praise the Lord..but hw far can she go...how much she blif? is she willingly accept? i dunno..seems liek she was forced by my aunt...so i wish is not..and dat i'llt ry to talk to my garndma...got lotsa obtacle..and anti-christian frenz in my life..bt i dun mind...coz everyone ahve the rite to choose whetehr anot to hv a religion rite...

wateva...

my mood somehow extremely unpredictable...confused...

drained...

is 2.36am now... not sleepy mah... havent do my bloody tutorial also.. but haihz..not surprising..i alwayz din do anyway....suddenly i think of lixin...lixin where r u?...really really long time didnt hear frm you...miss you alot...

today i feel 10times more tiring than any other day....iw en thome n i lie down..eventually..i hit the sack..wow! incredible..what did i do?....hmm admit that im old!....

this is part of my results for tickle:

Heart-ROMANCE
Whether you planned it or not, you just can't help but follow your feelings when it comes to matters of l'amour. You're a passionate person who can't ignore things that fit you to a T — whether it's that perfect pair of jeans, a good cause, or the love of a lifetime.Sure, things don't always go according to plan, but with an irrepressible drive like yours, you'd better get used to it! Living life as a fake just isn't in the cards for you. So open up your arms and embrace what life throws your way — especially if it happens to be the man of your dreams

sphinx
You are a mysterious being, Lady Sphinx, distinguished by your deep wisdom, strength, and royal power. You've also got a special something that draws people to you — even if they can't explain why. Maybe it's because you're always immersed in thought, pondering everything around you — your music, the fashion scene, or the latest movies.It's not that you need to be on top of everything, it's just that you prefer to walk a stable path through this life, and that's easier for you to do if you know what's goin' on. But beyond your keen awareness of the world, you also have a strong intuition — which is probably why friends and family think of you as such a sage goddess. This natural ability to just sense things makes you a great judge of character when meeting new friends, or attracting a new crush. So don't be afraid to use these otherworldly goddess powers to spark some love in your realm, Ms. Sphinx! Work that intrigue. Your gifts make you alluring, but not too revealing. You'll always hold the secrets of life and keep 'em guessing. You've got plenty to show the world — so get out there and show them what you're made of!

Optimist low
Well, everything's not quite roses and teddy bears for you, but you do tend to look on the bright side of life (we can hear those Monty Python boys whistling right now...). Sure, you sometimes bitch and moan about your problems (who doesn't?), but deep down you're pretty sure that everything will eventually turn out fine. When the weather man says it's going to be sunny, you leave your umbrella at home. In general, you like to be around people, and you try to make new friends when you can. You do your best to take things at face value, rather than making mountains out of molehills. Basically, the world is sort of like a big coconut to you: tough and hairy on the outside, but, when you get down into it, there's good stuff inside.

best quality shines through in how Creative you are
The fact that you're an inventive and creative person who usually has an abundance of imagination and ideas really draws people to you! But that's not the only thing. Your answers on the test indicate you're a smart person who is more able to understand complex concepts than many other people are. You are a person with a strong will who is typically determined to follow through on difficult demands and meet important goals, too.In all, there are 15 qualities that help define you when you're at your best. Those are the traits potential employers, friends, and partners look for in you. What makes you unique is your particular distribution of those 15 qualities.We've found that your particular combination of qualities is rare — only 1 in 10,000 people share the same general mix of traits. Those are great odds if you're trying to show a potential employer, colleague, friend, or date why you're exactly the right person for them.

most unique quality is that you're unusually Inspirational

You inspire others around you with your creative energy and thirst for new experiences. You are exceptionally curious and aren't afraid of learning new things — which is probably because you tend to focus on the potential positive outcome of any experience rather than dwelling on the potential negatives. You are a true explorer in the word. You want to understand and experience it all, and you're especially open to new feelings and ideas. Compared to others who are open, you are unusually appreciative of art and beauty. Only 2.1% of all test takers have this unique combination of personality strengths.

SO datz it...part of my tickles...haha...soemhow im quite agree with it..it somehow freaks me out coz some of it is just so true..there r more..but mayb some other time lerh..ahaha...U too try them out!..teehee...=)

i wish i can make it thru

few dayz ago, i watch back the show call "my left eyes sees ghost"..this show have made me cry for the 3rd time..and im dumb enuf to not realised watz da msg of it.. btu this time i get it..but i cant say 100% that im rite this time...but i think is a good answer for me..and it actually help me to let go.. datz y i told my fren that im fine..yes i am..have been so hard time for so many mth.. now i've realised.. i do not wanna doubt bout my state now..i just hoep that i really could made it tru this time.. n dat ok...yes i shall tell u watz actually made up my mind to let go..this show..is basically help me to realised that..if u dun let go.. actually u're so silly..i mean if u dun let go..and even if u try to hold on..watz the point? it'll nt gonan turn out the way u wan it too..n it aso says dat "we just met for 7dayz..u're talking bout love? bullshit!.isnt it u're just wan his money?" ..well in this shows thatz wat other ppl think about this girl who married to a guy after knowing that guy just for 7 dayz..and yes for many ppl...they wont blive that such love happen..n dey think they're not mature enuf..nto stable enuf..but no..let me tell u...a person shhould love unconditionally..if u question love...scuh love is not genuine anymore...both party shudnt question it...either 1 of them questioned bout it...relationship surely will break..coz there's no trust..and when the guy died passed away..the girl was depressed n dat she wanted to really c him once again..n she saw ghost..bt y cant she sees her husband?..tillt he end oni he reaised.. his husband is alwiz on her side n that he wanted he rto let go..n keep on living..this is how i apply to my so called perspective or philosophy of mine..is liek i shud b glad that (*touch wood to say*) ** is still alive..y not b contented...will i want to b satisfied oni when ** accepted me again or love me once again OR i shud satisfy with the person i live can live happily?.well i dunno..for me i'll choose that my lover will b happy..coz is hard to not keep contact with some1 u really loive n aso not seeing them in ur entire life...mayb some ppl think it is a gd thing...bt for me is not...this is not stupid..well who do not wan the eprson u like to loev once agin..? but the think is about..which is more worth it? lets say one day d person u love is nt ere anymore..can u imagine hw sad n hw u wanted to hv the perosn u love living int his world?..is u noe..at least u noe the present of the person u love..n if i dun let go...i noe t'll b harder n i'll really feel heavy hearted to atually let go the eprosn in d end..so i chose this over loving ** till the end..live isnt alwiz fair u noe...u just gotta apply this term in ur life n just go tru it like it is normal..

happy birthday to me..

itz my bday today.. can considered it happie and sad..happie as in my uni classmates actually bought me a cake n it was surprising lerh...made my face kena the cake..haha..and i got lotsa greetings frm many many frenz n aso frenz dat i din expected to b remembered my bday..i feel so not alone..and thanks u all...
sad thing is actually...i cant celberate with my dearest frenz..got no greetings from my fren, lx..having exams tmr..the distance with ** getting further n further.. it's so uneasy to get through my emotions toward everything..rite now...9.43pm..im sitting in front of my computer..basically hoping that ** will just talk to me..but it seems like ** wouldnt want to talk to me..no longer like the way it is as a fren last time..but ** deny bout it..is obvious n y shud ** deny?..coz u hav got ur satisfaction?..yet...when will u tell me the truth..or sumtimes i ask myself..does truth relli that important to me? i dont knoe...

soon, will gonan b diagnosing myself with overdose work n boredom..is a fact that boredom is good to give urself a peace moment..where at first u'll feel so torturing..but later on..u're gonna b satsified with the tranquil state u r at taht time..i logn for boredom now...so tired of thinking n doin much work...i wish i could just sleep n sleep n sleep....wake up in a few weeks later..n dat everythign just change n my mind is totally washed up...i could start a new life then!..

i translate the meaning of a song that i trully feel is very significant to the special day of mine..today!

happy birthday!

i said to myself

the candle is lit up

loneliness rose up

happy birthday!

tears have thicken

i wanted to thank u for the thigns u gave and taken back

still love you

still abit of hate

still need time

only can heal

filled with scars n hurts

face changed arouse

wish me happy birthday....

doesnt make any sense...coz is a chinese song...ahah

misses all my frenz...misses YOU..