cheerleading!

for once i doubt bout my passion thta is cheerleading..

im nt sure if i ever liek cheerleading..

i get this symptom when i really not doing anythign for cheerleading..

i mean at leats last time when im in dynamitez..

my job is to b the team memebr who gonan attend every practices to strive for champion in cheer200(x) and the final year i succeed..

im nt happy coz we become national champion but im happy that

i never thought i'll become cheerleader or getting into the squad to be specific..

well no1 will know how hard and how much effort i put on int his field..

as ever of my fren even my sis..they know that im nt active in any sports

and whatzmore im nt the kind of hapepnign ppl...

as i know in my school, those ppl that the cheerleader know definitely will be in for the squad

ims erious..

when im in form3, i finally got the guts to reallyg o for audition

but as i step into the hall..no i shall sa as i look into the hall..i got really sced or feel like

nt belong to one of them..i mean is liek the whole school knwo who they r...n who am i?

im just a typical nerd n short n nt to mention yes i nt attractive..

so in d end i end up iving up...n went home..

so iw en thome thinking that...i realli don believe that oni the bitch will ever get into cheerleading (erm..well last time i alwiz think that cheerleader is a bitch coz i've encoutner a few on hw they treat the nerd..so im quite pissed ahah) so form 4 that time..is when i pull my fren along n go audition with me..somehow i have the feelings that iw ont get in as ...they don even focus on any of us...oni those "well-known" ppl..i was looking at their eye contact ..but i totally feel so embarrassed..i really do..but ppl like me..u will never know whatz hidden bhind me actually...and so i din get in..but during the hols..

i din noe that i ever gonan sent an email o sandra..n she's the 1 who's giving me this preciuos opportunity..frm then i realized perseverance can at least giev u a chance..but giving up means u got no chance at all..i really do lotsa research bout cheerleaidng b4 hand (haha...so kiasu org ni") cant help it i tot the more i noe the more i master it the more chance i can get in...bt well mayb in reality like int his world..ppl often see the outside instead of the inside..

so after all my yada yada yada...

what im tryign to sya is...often when i stop cheerleading..i will definitely missed it n well datz y i join CHARM coz i can never live wihtout cheerleading i guess...

coz i work real hard for it..n i enjoy doing it if i ever hv the chance again..

bt now..time is nt getting my way..n lotsa time, inconvenience comes my way...

think bout it, i cant sacrifice anythign for cheer anymore...

i feel like im nt commiting myself to it...since the office fella ask em this question:

"education or cheer?"

oh man as CW say..this is 2 diff things..i agree...

nowadayz as i teach others..i felt liek im powerless n i don hv the rite to voice up anything..

coz i don even hav ean official cert as a coach just because

i don hv money to pay for anythign...i think my passion is gonna end just liek this..

soemtimes i really think that...

with money, u might nt hv everyhtign...but wihtout money, u definitely cant hv evryhting..

opportunity came yes it came...but obstacle came first...so is nt much i can do...

if ever im gonna end cheer just like this..well imite just gonna spam my blog bout hw dissatisfy am i about it...