Saturday, September 30, 2006
~digi hocc contest~
omg~ is hocc contest by digi!~realli hope thta i could win~and yea i did send in the entry~realised my slogan kinda sux~really~and nt sure was it a gd news or bad that hmmm...~** crazy bout hocc too~who's hocc?~she's denise ho a hongkong singer which i realli like~she hv that essence that will capture my heart thru her singing~not sure if i will ever win but then rite~not to be so perasan or confident that somehow i will win somehting~coz the grand prize got 3 and the consolation prize is like X100..~i mean if i ever nt get to get anything~isnt it sad~means my slogan dat sux!~but if i win and it hapepns that ** win too~omg~gonna b so frustrating!~coz we'll definitely gonan c each toher during the celebration party~hhahah think too much d~sry sry~but hey~must get ready before it hapepns rite~** said ** will be damn f'kng happy if ** win~well haha so do i~if i win can go HK!~is my first time to overseas and first time to go concert and even the perfect thing is hocc concert!~so great!~but bet my cantonese is bad lah i noe but his is nt the matter~n i noe that im a lousy fans coz i don even hv 1 of hocc cd~ya ya bet u all laughing and boo-ing me~but hey at least i got record u noe~i mean last time i record into tape while th eradio hv her songs~c la im so poor~haaha~nonetheless i like anita mui too~so is like it will influenced me to like her toudei aso lah rite~haha~i adored hocc nt juts becoz her song or singing it is because...~well it's hard to bliv~but i got the feeling of deja vu with her~muahahah...~cool eh!~muahaha~(=
be strong~
::for all the worst that u get; stay alive and be strong::
~i love this room!~get it from someone's blog~she's a model~ prety cosy and spacious..~ideal for me to sleep!~most importanty it's clean and white!~
~i wonder if people can die of depression or not?~i mean will they?!~coz it seems like these kinda sickness can attack u for 100yrs~worse than just those sickness rite~
~but no matter wat~life's goes on~depressed?~depressed happily then~omg..wat nonsense im talking~
~tonite i feel the sudden urge of loneliness~got no1 to give a converse with me~well i understand~rite now is 5.27am~who will ever gonan b crazy like me~ normally at this time ** will still gonna stay with me~n i will be so stupidly thinking that ** companying me~haha~but today was realli~no good~hw can i b like this~so care about?~** sleep early tonite~is my bad i noe that i cant deny that i hv a lil mayb nt just lil but yes i miss you~juts so used to talkign wiht ** till im satisfy only then i feel the satisfaction~
~well i would wanna say that not many people can accept me~not many people understand me enough~not many people really can meets my needs~not many people that i can considered as a friend~not many people i can trust~not many people who will listen to what i said~not many people will believe what i said~not many people knows me~den, who am i really?~but i believe true friends and the love of family and my God will produced the spark of light that will help to lit and guide me to the way where i belong~coz i trust them~i need a strong hold to live me up~
Friday, September 29, 2006
i didnt mean to...
as i get older~i realised ive been doing lotsa mistakes~or mayb it just because when we're small, we dun realised that we're wrong until we're punished~ but now as i have brain and thinking, i can figure outt he mistakes i made which is sometimes is hard to be forgiven just by being punished or even saying "sorry"~as i was having conversation wif my mum~i thought i could be so open to her that bcoz she's like an angel who is so close to me that i got nth to hide about~but no..~im not a perfect person~i mean who does~hmm...~so tired of telling lies~but i just had to~coz im nt ready for any consequences yet~
the 2nd week of holiday is yet to end soon...i hope i can stop counting down the dayz to end my hols..coz i realli love hols no matter hw boring it is...oh and on wednesday that time...i actually went to ** hse with my soon-to-be-aunt...was realli scary..becoz as i step into ** hse my heart beat like superb fast...n my "aunt" went in to ** room...and i juts stay outside the living room...coz i don dare to go in...s far so good i tried to control myself frm entering the room...hv a lil chat with ** mum....but it was really long....n finally i give up...n i enter the room..putting on a fake smile and faking myself to act like im sporting enuf ...but the feelings was no kidding---it is terrible... mixture of happy, sad, miss, pain.....as i already expected ,we din tok much...)=
i nvr miss a day to check out ** blog...but most of the time it just will hit me hard when the post is about *c n knowing that ** depressed...i just feel like easing ** pain away if oni i could...do u remmebr the coincidences we have? was it just coincidence or was it fate?
this things just so frustrating...u cant let go u cant hold on...*sigh*...
anyway...y even this world hv rules or limitation...
no i shud say y human hv to b so cruel or doing th eworng things instead of right?
hmm...really do hope that i don question God but i really skeptic sometimes...
3more mth....we'll gonna welcomed yr2007...so fast..really miss 2006....but it left no signicant to me just like i don signified anything to u....
oh Jesus...my guilt just getting heavier...does it coutn as a sin? but im syaing lies...
*gomenasai*
the 2nd week of holiday is yet to end soon...i hope i can stop counting down the dayz to end my hols..coz i realli love hols no matter hw boring it is...oh and on wednesday that time...i actually went to ** hse with my soon-to-be-aunt...was realli scary..becoz as i step into ** hse my heart beat like superb fast...n my "aunt" went in to ** room...and i juts stay outside the living room...coz i don dare to go in...s far so good i tried to control myself frm entering the room...hv a lil chat with ** mum....but it was really long....n finally i give up...n i enter the room..putting on a fake smile and faking myself to act like im sporting enuf ...but the feelings was no kidding---it is terrible... mixture of happy, sad, miss, pain.....as i already expected ,we din tok much...)=i nvr miss a day to check out ** blog...but most of the time it just will hit me hard when the post is about *c n knowing that ** depressed...i just feel like easing ** pain away if oni i could...do u remmebr the coincidences we have? was it just coincidence or was it fate?
this things just so frustrating...u cant let go u cant hold on...*sigh*...
anyway...y even this world hv rules or limitation...
no i shud say y human hv to b so cruel or doing th eworng things instead of right?
hmm...really do hope that i don question God but i really skeptic sometimes...
3more mth....we'll gonna welcomed yr2007...so fast..really miss 2006....but it left no signicant to me just like i don signified anything to u....
oh Jesus...my guilt just getting heavier...does it coutn as a sin? but im syaing lies...
*gomenasai*
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
needed some event
ping!* time's running out...today was my fren's,wein's bday...n now its edi past..im hope that i didnt ruined her bday...and hoep she like it!
erm next event...i couldnt figure out...holiday just depressing le...main problem is money...n im lack of creativity nwdayz..n just donno y...bt afternoon nromally im lazy...haha...coz im a nite species...ahha....active at nite...hibernate in th eafternoon and work in the morning...ahha...omg..terrible time management...so jumbled up...
up next....**comin so soon....now we're friend i think..just donno y ** started to chat wif me...mayb coz *c is nt talkign to **anymore...n i think is nt just mayb in fact it is...i feel like im "yau si jau jung mou yim, mou si jau ha ying chuin"....
but guess now im more than satisfy lerh...just afraid dat it will gonna go back to the same again...
so my friend...wat hv u all been doin?...im sucha lousy blogger...no1 put comment 1...no response..ahhaah...nvm..im just blogging for my good sake..
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if i have opotunity,i wish i could juts let u noe;
You are a part of my being. You mix with my thoughts, even the most studious, and instead of disturbing them, you give them greater harmony and spirit. My mind demands to think of you as my body breathes for only you. I no longer control this simple task of exhaling, I’m certain that your love allows me to survive. A solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, raws you to my center and springs to life, wrapping my existence around you. I do not easily surrender my heart, yet it has been yours from the beginning. The first time you held me in your arms I felt a longing to linger a moment and a lifetime in that soft, sensual tenderness I found in you. I cannot defend my heart from you.
You have become a necessity in my life and I know that I love you. I love our private world, free of limitations and full of expectations. Our place where we can express emotions so full of life they burst into a million stars, lighting up the heavens where love is born. You will always be able to take me to that place and I will always cherish it. When your eyes meet mine, it is as if your soul passes into me. I cannot wait for the time when, finally, in my sleep I reach for you, I find you near and submit myself to my dreams knowing your love will be there in the morning. I have never known such a beautiful and flawless happiness as this love you give to me. You overwhelm me.
*i hope i get to said it*
erm next event...i couldnt figure out...holiday just depressing le...main problem is money...n im lack of creativity nwdayz..n just donno y...bt afternoon nromally im lazy...haha...coz im a nite species...ahha....active at nite...hibernate in th eafternoon and work in the morning...ahha...omg..terrible time management...so jumbled up...
up next....**comin so soon....now we're friend i think..just donno y ** started to chat wif me...mayb coz *c is nt talkign to **anymore...n i think is nt just mayb in fact it is...i feel like im "yau si jau jung mou yim, mou si jau ha ying chuin"....
but guess now im more than satisfy lerh...just afraid dat it will gonna go back to the same again...
so my friend...wat hv u all been doin?...im sucha lousy blogger...no1 put comment 1...no response..ahhaah...nvm..im just blogging for my good sake..
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if i have opotunity,i wish i could juts let u noe;
You are a part of my being. You mix with my thoughts, even the most studious, and instead of disturbing them, you give them greater harmony and spirit. My mind demands to think of you as my body breathes for only you. I no longer control this simple task of exhaling, I’m certain that your love allows me to survive. A solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, raws you to my center and springs to life, wrapping my existence around you. I do not easily surrender my heart, yet it has been yours from the beginning. The first time you held me in your arms I felt a longing to linger a moment and a lifetime in that soft, sensual tenderness I found in you. I cannot defend my heart from you.
You have become a necessity in my life and I know that I love you. I love our private world, free of limitations and full of expectations. Our place where we can express emotions so full of life they burst into a million stars, lighting up the heavens where love is born. You will always be able to take me to that place and I will always cherish it. When your eyes meet mine, it is as if your soul passes into me. I cannot wait for the time when, finally, in my sleep I reach for you, I find you near and submit myself to my dreams knowing your love will be there in the morning. I have never known such a beautiful and flawless happiness as this love you give to me. You overwhelm me.
*i hope i get to said it*
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
good one....
It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care
I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you
I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song
Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you
I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care
I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you
I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song
Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you
I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you
Monday, September 25, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
october is coming.......
so dead...is october....is ** month!...is so hard to think bout it...it feels like things just happened yesterday oni...when everyhtign ws just so fine so perfect n thinking that it'll last till these dayz....great horh...but wakey wakey...stop dreaming!....
but seriously...it is harder than wat i think....
do i really put no significant to u?
do i?
*smirks*
i deserve to b left just like dat....
y must it b on me?
i realy hope someone can really understand the situation im in....
which is i noe almost 99% ppl thinking that it served me right and i shud hvae known i'll get this kinda conclusion....
all i can say is...
u wouldnt know wat's the silliest thing will u gonan do or will u gonna experienced when u found someone that truly special to u...
dat special is hard and difficult to explain....
d oni thing is th esame is that..it is one and only...
is rare and u appreciate it like u never cherish somethign b4.....
i oe the way** feels towards c* is just like me...
n omg..this 3some...
seriously hit hard on me...
n i can say i definitely nt the same person anymore...
iam not...
do u realised?
i've realised....and im so afraid of myslef...
so fear of my body,soul n my mind....
just bocz of someone that dont love me?...
hahahah...
so farny i would say...
but...
not easy...
is not easy...
but seriously...it is harder than wat i think....
do i really put no significant to u?
do i?
*smirks*
i deserve to b left just like dat....
y must it b on me?
i realy hope someone can really understand the situation im in....
which is i noe almost 99% ppl thinking that it served me right and i shud hvae known i'll get this kinda conclusion....
all i can say is...
u wouldnt know wat's the silliest thing will u gonan do or will u gonna experienced when u found someone that truly special to u...
dat special is hard and difficult to explain....
d oni thing is th esame is that..it is one and only...
is rare and u appreciate it like u never cherish somethign b4.....
i oe the way** feels towards c* is just like me...
n omg..this 3some...
seriously hit hard on me...
n i can say i definitely nt the same person anymore...
iam not...
do u realised?
i've realised....and im so afraid of myslef...
so fear of my body,soul n my mind....
just bocz of someone that dont love me?...
hahahah...
so farny i would say...
but...
not easy...
is not easy...
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
tak sangka aku berjalan tanpa arah
kupejamkan mata
kurasakan semua
yang pernah ada
yang pernah singgah.
ku teteskan laraku
ku kenangkan cinta
pedih terasa
menggores jiwa.
sendiri ku kini dalam sunyi
tanpa dirimu ada di sisiku
menetes air mata di pipi
cuba menggapai bayang dirimu
aku hanya bisa mengenangmu.
kurasakan semua
yang pernah ada
yang pernah singgah.
ku teteskan laraku
ku kenangkan cinta
pedih terasa
menggores jiwa.
sendiri ku kini dalam sunyi
tanpa dirimu ada di sisiku
menetes air mata di pipi
cuba menggapai bayang dirimu
aku hanya bisa mengenangmu.
holiday by madonna
"its holiday, letz celebrate!"
somehow this doesnt apply to me)= my holiday so far, hmm, nothing much....eat,sleep,com,practices.....yea so boring....
and every night..gosh been sleeping round 4/5/6 am....
someday i just cant get to sleep...but someday i want to sleep but i dont want to sleep coz thinking bout the next day got nth to do..haihz...just wanna wake up late....or i'll bored to death...
im so broke now..make things worse...
wat've u all been doing lately then?
any of u know anything interesting to do but need nt use money?
i've been occasionally er..downloading lotsa stupid show...n watch n delete it n download again...n spend most of my time singing songs...so all this almost everything involve computers...and oh gosh...now i think i cant live without computer....and my phone for nite use!?...hahah...coz at nite while sleeping i cant help it but continue my music thru my phone...ahaha....n camwhoring in the midnight...crazy! yeah im gonna get crazy soon...
-black n white-colours datz just so rite-mounted with special sign-very delicately it symbolized-hid with misery-depression and anxiety-hid wif mystery-uniquely,stirred wif uncertainty-but it seems extraordinary-that makes it so perfectly match-just liek it is meant-elegant and slick-a lil yang and a lil yin-oh so fine n delicate-(=awesome i say-
somehow this doesnt apply to me)= my holiday so far, hmm, nothing much....eat,sleep,com,practices.....yea so boring....
and every night..gosh been sleeping round 4/5/6 am....
someday i just cant get to sleep...but someday i want to sleep but i dont want to sleep coz thinking bout the next day got nth to do..haihz...just wanna wake up late....or i'll bored to death...
im so broke now..make things worse...
wat've u all been doing lately then?
any of u know anything interesting to do but need nt use money?
i've been occasionally er..downloading lotsa stupid show...n watch n delete it n download again...n spend most of my time singing songs...so all this almost everything involve computers...and oh gosh...now i think i cant live without computer....and my phone for nite use!?...hahah...coz at nite while sleeping i cant help it but continue my music thru my phone...ahaha....n camwhoring in the midnight...crazy! yeah im gonna get crazy soon...
-black n white-colours datz just so rite-mounted with special sign-very delicately it symbolized-hid with misery-depression and anxiety-hid wif mystery-uniquely,stirred wif uncertainty-but it seems extraordinary-that makes it so perfectly match-just liek it is meant-elegant and slick-a lil yang and a lil yin-oh so fine n delicate-(=awesome i say-
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
crap!
hey this guy ere so hot!..haha...im melting d....droolz*
itz hard for me to say someone handsome aight....
this 1 seriously....(=
i mean i like this kinda guy la....ahhaah...
so rare...sigh*
Thursday, September 14, 2006
devil vs angel
so often i think that i live in 2 diff body....up and down up and down...mood changes all the time...
thinking differently in every second....thus, i hv to take a very long time to make a decision...
ngo hou seong zhi ngo hei mei jan hei gm jung yi lei...oi yutt goh yan mm gan dan...sui yin ngo mou lam gwoh yiu lei tung ngo yutt chai...yik ngo zhi dou lei mm wui joi jung yi ngo..yau ho nang lei hei mei chang jung yi gwoh ngo...lei di...ngo dou mou soh wai...oi yutt goh yan mei bit ho yi yung yao..ngo zhi nang gao ngam jung hei foon lei...hei mong lei jung ho yi gei juk bei ngo gei wui zhou lei sau wu tin si...yau si hei hou lan sao, hou tung fu, hou tung sam tei zhu lei gm hei foon kui...ngo mm zhi ler..hou chi ji gei zhou dou gm san fu mm zhi wei matt yeh...dan hei doh sou ngo oi seong yutt goh yan...ngo mou luin zhou d meh yeh....ngo mm sui yiu gai sik...gim che, gai sik mm dou....ngo zhi soeng ngo zhi gei zhou dou yutt gin si...jao hei fong dei ta...ho yi joi chi zhou goh hou pang yau...ngo hou seong ting lok lei....mou luin lok ta...yan wei, gum sinh ho yi joi ji ngo gai siu fan..joi ying sik ta...
lei tai sam yuin lerh...jign dou ngo gok tuk ngo ji gei hou juit...hou gin keong...
yau si ngo janhei mm sik dim gong...mm zhi dim yeong tan bak tung lei gong...
yau si seong gong d yeh...wui lam dou, hei mei jan hei gm sui yiu lei zhi leh?
ngo mei chang yau gm geh gam gok chui yin....
lei yut chi jan hei hou kik sao...
chi zhou ngo pa ngo wui ding mm suin...
chang tuk gei loi ngo mm sui yiu zhi...
zhi nang gao chang tuk gei loi tuk gei loi...
weng yuin geh dap ngon...hei ngo sinh zhi dou....
gong zhan...ngo hou zhang ngo zhi gei....hou han ngo zhi gei...
mei si gwoh gm mm sik oi ngo zhi gei...
gu mm dou wui hei gm fai...
zhan hei ngo hou zhang bei yan ngak.....hou pa...hou pa seong hoi yan..hou pa yan dei zhang ngo..hou pa satt hui ngo jugn yi geh yan...hou pa hou pa hou doh hou doh si...
dan hei ...ji doh han dou..ngo gam sao dou zhi hoi sam tung zhi nan mong geh yutt hak....
ngo hou jan sik geh si hao ngo chan ging yung yao gwoh lei....
thinking differently in every second....thus, i hv to take a very long time to make a decision...
ngo hou seong zhi ngo hei mei jan hei gm jung yi lei...oi yutt goh yan mm gan dan...sui yin ngo mou lam gwoh yiu lei tung ngo yutt chai...yik ngo zhi dou lei mm wui joi jung yi ngo..yau ho nang lei hei mei chang jung yi gwoh ngo...lei di...ngo dou mou soh wai...oi yutt goh yan mei bit ho yi yung yao..ngo zhi nang gao ngam jung hei foon lei...hei mong lei jung ho yi gei juk bei ngo gei wui zhou lei sau wu tin si...yau si hei hou lan sao, hou tung fu, hou tung sam tei zhu lei gm hei foon kui...ngo mm zhi ler..hou chi ji gei zhou dou gm san fu mm zhi wei matt yeh...dan hei doh sou ngo oi seong yutt goh yan...ngo mou luin zhou d meh yeh....ngo mm sui yiu gai sik...gim che, gai sik mm dou....ngo zhi soeng ngo zhi gei zhou dou yutt gin si...jao hei fong dei ta...ho yi joi chi zhou goh hou pang yau...ngo hou seong ting lok lei....mou luin lok ta...yan wei, gum sinh ho yi joi ji ngo gai siu fan..joi ying sik ta...
lei tai sam yuin lerh...jign dou ngo gok tuk ngo ji gei hou juit...hou gin keong...
yau si ngo janhei mm sik dim gong...mm zhi dim yeong tan bak tung lei gong...
yau si seong gong d yeh...wui lam dou, hei mei jan hei gm sui yiu lei zhi leh?
ngo mei chang yau gm geh gam gok chui yin....
lei yut chi jan hei hou kik sao...
chi zhou ngo pa ngo wui ding mm suin...
chang tuk gei loi ngo mm sui yiu zhi...
zhi nang gao chang tuk gei loi tuk gei loi...
weng yuin geh dap ngon...hei ngo sinh zhi dou....
gong zhan...ngo hou zhang ngo zhi gei....hou han ngo zhi gei...
mei si gwoh gm mm sik oi ngo zhi gei...
gu mm dou wui hei gm fai...
zhan hei ngo hou zhang bei yan ngak.....hou pa...hou pa seong hoi yan..hou pa yan dei zhang ngo..hou pa satt hui ngo jugn yi geh yan...hou pa hou pa hou doh hou doh si...
dan hei ...ji doh han dou..ngo gam sao dou zhi hoi sam tung zhi nan mong geh yutt hak....
ngo hou jan sik geh si hao ngo chan ging yung yao gwoh lei....
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
TiMe
we alwiz say time will heal everything...
how true can it be?...
well, for me i think is so true...u may think is such a logn time to take to forget it...or to stop regretting ur mistakes u made....fed up of waitign the time to come..datz y lotsa ppl doubt bout it....
it doesnt matter of how long u take to heal it....but it will...
u just cant heal the wounds in just one nite, 10dayz,100weeks, 1000month....or even years...
but someday u will meet the answer...
as we once encounter the love, the time starts for that moment...
we cant alwiz expect the best out of it...but if it turns out bad...
take it as a motivation for u in ur life....dat u will remember these mistakes u made...
love if u understand it well...is more than just saying "i love you"..{though..is a strong convincing words"}
love can make u a better person...
no harm to fall in love....is nt illegal....love is where u can find ur trueselves....but often itz been abuse n people treat it blindly...ended up in a mess...
those who commit suicide n hurt themselves for love...this is not called love...this is not sacrificing for love....
this is silly...watz sacrifice?
in many ways i said....
but the genuine sacrifices that hardly ppl can do is...
if u love someone, make sure u want him/her to be happy alwiz....no matter hw its gonan happen or not, it's such a nice thing to noe that him/her is happy with their life...when he/she happy, u're happy too...
even if he/she together with her/his half...if they're happy...happy for them den...
because the one u love live, u live...
the sacrifice u made doesnt need to let him/her noe...is ur own satisfaction n if one can do it, is wonderful!...
have u ever think of y we live?
we live coz of love....
we're finding the love...
without love nothign seems to be perfect...
im nt just saying couple love....LOve starts with GOd and Love is where u begin in ur live...u're born with an innocent mind, this is God 1st gift to u...bring u to this earth...as u live, u gotta live to love, love to learn, learn to love yourself, learn to love ur enemy
"noone can go back to make a brand new start, but anyone can strat from now and make a new ending"
this quotation i took from someone's article...tot it's meanignful
it is only when u believe, then it will happen, so same as time...
time can heal everything like wat my idol said...though it may seems a no no...but i stayput n i agree wif it...
time indeed can....if oni u think u can, den u can! datz wat hocc said...
how true can it be?...
well, for me i think is so true...u may think is such a logn time to take to forget it...or to stop regretting ur mistakes u made....fed up of waitign the time to come..datz y lotsa ppl doubt bout it....
it doesnt matter of how long u take to heal it....but it will...
u just cant heal the wounds in just one nite, 10dayz,100weeks, 1000month....or even years...
but someday u will meet the answer...
as we once encounter the love, the time starts for that moment...
we cant alwiz expect the best out of it...but if it turns out bad...
take it as a motivation for u in ur life....dat u will remember these mistakes u made...
love if u understand it well...is more than just saying "i love you"..{though..is a strong convincing words"}
love can make u a better person...
no harm to fall in love....is nt illegal....love is where u can find ur trueselves....but often itz been abuse n people treat it blindly...ended up in a mess...
those who commit suicide n hurt themselves for love...this is not called love...this is not sacrificing for love....
this is silly...watz sacrifice?
in many ways i said....
but the genuine sacrifices that hardly ppl can do is...
if u love someone, make sure u want him/her to be happy alwiz....no matter hw its gonan happen or not, it's such a nice thing to noe that him/her is happy with their life...when he/she happy, u're happy too...
even if he/she together with her/his half...if they're happy...happy for them den...
because the one u love live, u live...
the sacrifice u made doesnt need to let him/her noe...is ur own satisfaction n if one can do it, is wonderful!...
have u ever think of y we live?
we live coz of love....
we're finding the love...
without love nothign seems to be perfect...
im nt just saying couple love....LOve starts with GOd and Love is where u begin in ur live...u're born with an innocent mind, this is God 1st gift to u...bring u to this earth...as u live, u gotta live to love, love to learn, learn to love yourself, learn to love ur enemy
"noone can go back to make a brand new start, but anyone can strat from now and make a new ending"
this quotation i took from someone's article...tot it's meanignful
it is only when u believe, then it will happen, so same as time...
time can heal everything like wat my idol said...though it may seems a no no...but i stayput n i agree wif it...
time indeed can....if oni u think u can, den u can! datz wat hocc said...
encumbrance still bind
wholly hugged with melancholy;
merely can whinge if only;
ruminating if it'd leave me;
no, haunting within the unelucidating creeps.
'd do the utmost of it;
remaining and undoubtly stays in;
espying the truth that hidden by me;
i.e. musing if me deeply feel thee.
utterly a plague;
like an abscess, the imperfection;
awefully unwilling;
but i cant bare no more.
was it a karma?
or just a random fault;
premonition said otherwise;
indeed the notion is gold.
doubtless i crave for more;
covet the moment before;
could retrace and unchange;
it halt ,undeniably state.
how to why;
if to a sigh;
i shall be condemned;
for this unforgiving sin of mine.
just show me the sign;
and i will try;
free from disguise;
that will be just as fine.
just so murderous;
note that nil is outta my follishness;
itz terrible;
all've been me;
forming the loner;
dat signified the dirt;
itz all whatsoever now...
too late and too sick...
i swear ive no sensibility...
coz im blinded by the light of hope
it once shown n lit me..
i captured without regretting it...
i do...i still do now...
the vow holding on..
thou evrmore i love and miss ....
merely can whinge if only;
ruminating if it'd leave me;
no, haunting within the unelucidating creeps.
'd do the utmost of it;
remaining and undoubtly stays in;
espying the truth that hidden by me;
i.e. musing if me deeply feel thee.
utterly a plague;
like an abscess, the imperfection;
awefully unwilling;
but i cant bare no more.
was it a karma?
or just a random fault;
premonition said otherwise;
indeed the notion is gold.
doubtless i crave for more;
covet the moment before;
could retrace and unchange;
it halt ,undeniably state.
how to why;
if to a sigh;
i shall be condemned;
for this unforgiving sin of mine.
just show me the sign;
and i will try;
free from disguise;
that will be just as fine.
just so murderous;
note that nil is outta my follishness;
itz terrible;
all've been me;
forming the loner;
dat signified the dirt;
itz all whatsoever now...
too late and too sick...
i swear ive no sensibility...
coz im blinded by the light of hope
it once shown n lit me..
i captured without regretting it...
i do...i still do now...
the vow holding on..
thou evrmore i love and miss ....
Sunday, September 10, 2006
sudden fatigue
nowdayz i have serial of exhaustion...
besides my examination which caused by the lack of sleep and stress..im having AV too...
such combination was totally nt right at this time...im so moody... and when i look into my mirror...i alwiz got shocked as in the way i looked was utterly horrendous...
everyone was so bz nowadayz... n people say that im bz too.. hmm? am i?...wondering~
i knew it was exams dat im bz with...but im blogging now...n yet, i know that im not that bz after all...u see everyone's like so anxious bout econs which is my next exam paper...no doubt, they're all studying...coz it seems my msn so silent..haha...
gee~ den im ere onlining...doing many things but nt studying...yea is my bad...
but i am tired...so so tired...mayb coz of lack of blood~
sleep? nop i cant n ive tried...i alwiz knocked down at the worng timing which i hate it..
mayb i shall go for some phsychitric therapy to hypnotize myself..
mm this is a good idea...bt no $$
insomnia is back...n i think i will oni get rid of it again while im having holiday!...
but holiday was totally tiresome too..
i was palnning to do lotsa things...
n with the cheer im in...it means everything i.e time ...
n im basically afraid to get back with them...
i feel im so left out n im so way back!
everyone will look at me one suspicious scary kinda look...hmm... but i promise my captain dat i'll b back when im free...so i cant break my promise...
when im gonna quit cheer? i dunno
mayb till my bones cant bare it anymore
ahahha...and rite nwo cheer is my oni income that i can get...
so i cant back up now...n i missed it too
____________________________________________________
just now having meeting with my family (consists of me 2sis n ba) ba explode again...n this time it hurts my 2nd sis feelings...but yea..was hurtful to us...i think everyone now is just so confused n do not wanna think of anything...is like sometimes u will b thinking...is nt all my mum's faul, she did her best, and at th esame time bias came to ur mind, and u start thinking....owh gosh wat did my mum do in US? so worried...hw can she b so irresponsible...does she know wat deep shit our family having? we're having an issue on financial...i swear that ive known this prob will gonna come since the day my mum left...
finally ba bring it up...coz of my 2nd sis needing to hv money to pay fee for college....is 7k++...c...even 7 k is just so hard to get...
after all the rantering frm my dad....
i feel that my dad really loves us...he sacrificed alot...n noone knows the hidden side of him...
bt as i think of the way my dad spend his money n his life...
i give up...and it change my mind again...n now im so stuck..
hving prnts liek this make my life even more complicated...
every mth i hv to hear someone say their life gonan end...
biggest shocked ever is when my aunt told me grandpa suspected to hv cancer...
totally shocked...
aunts and uncle pray all the time...n finally results came out...my grandpa was ok...but nearly get it!...thank God...
i really nt ready for any death happen now...
_____________________________________________________
now, dad took out allt he insurance n let nth...everything gotta start from scratch again...
i really hope that i got a job
i really envy some ppl that they can hv job thru their talent
like some of my fren does...
currently sis tryign to sell off the clothes thru onlining..
n it actually show some response..coz got ppl interested...
hoepfully there'll b more pp interested in out stuff n dat it can help some financial of ours...
hope after this meeting..everyone will know hw to spend their money..
n the biggest prob is my bid sis...
che is alwiz the spender...n hoep she'll gonan change n help out our family....
n for me...
this financial prob can lead to many stress
as it means that i hv to really study well so dat i can get loan or schoalrship continuously or get an offer...which is something that is so impossible....
it really make me damn stress n frustrated...n ocoz i do want that i can make my fmaily proud n dat allt he money that i spend on my education is all worth it...
____________________________________________________
this is coz...seeing my dad working out those financial so damn hard...which...
he even gotta everyday eat maggi mee and nt goin to my grandprnt hse coz of feeling ashamed to c their faces staring at him with all the question bout money n mom...hiahz...
i just feel like ima horrid child...
____________________________________________________
nvm of those things ive said...
just crap that'll make u all feel confused n rose the agony too...coz annoying.....
ahaha
____________________________________________________
i wanted to involve myself in association..besides cheer which i give up of coaching coz gotta pay 300++ just to get cert as a coach...n oni last for some limit of period...so wtf...
and iw as thinking f...WWF..bt preferably SPCA ahaha....after watchign the animal planet where they the SPCA went to the area where the katrina hurricane hit them...n dey save the animal there....aww! seriously im so so so happy...is tears of joy! coz u can c hw happy the animal when the spca found them n sav ethem...nt oni that...those owner who found them back was marvellously ...*big smile* .....n im sure the spca ppl will b sooooo hapyp as well to c them reunite...amazing hw simple a person can satisfy sometimes...n i just wan tthat...
____________________________________________________
such combination was totally nt right at this time...im so moody... and when i look into my mirror...i alwiz got shocked as in the way i looked was utterly horrendous...
everyone was so bz nowadayz... n people say that im bz too.. hmm? am i?...wondering~
i knew it was exams dat im bz with...but im blogging now...n yet, i know that im not that bz after all...u see everyone's like so anxious bout econs which is my next exam paper...no doubt, they're all studying...coz it seems my msn so silent..haha...
gee~ den im ere onlining...doing many things but nt studying...yea is my bad...
but i am tired...so so tired...mayb coz of lack of blood~
sleep? nop i cant n ive tried...i alwiz knocked down at the worng timing which i hate it..
mayb i shall go for some phsychitric therapy to hypnotize myself..
mm this is a good idea...bt no $$
insomnia is back...n i think i will oni get rid of it again while im having holiday!...
but holiday was totally tiresome too..
i was palnning to do lotsa things...
n with the cheer im in...it means everything i.e time ...
n im basically afraid to get back with them...
i feel im so left out n im so way back!
everyone will look at me one suspicious scary kinda look...hmm... but i promise my captain dat i'll b back when im free...so i cant break my promise...
when im gonna quit cheer? i dunno
mayb till my bones cant bare it anymore
ahahha...and rite nwo cheer is my oni income that i can get...
so i cant back up now...n i missed it too
____________________________________________________
just now having meeting with my family (consists of me 2sis n ba) ba explode again...n this time it hurts my 2nd sis feelings...but yea..was hurtful to us...i think everyone now is just so confused n do not wanna think of anything...is like sometimes u will b thinking...is nt all my mum's faul, she did her best, and at th esame time bias came to ur mind, and u start thinking....owh gosh wat did my mum do in US? so worried...hw can she b so irresponsible...does she know wat deep shit our family having? we're having an issue on financial...i swear that ive known this prob will gonna come since the day my mum left...
finally ba bring it up...coz of my 2nd sis needing to hv money to pay fee for college....is 7k++...c...even 7 k is just so hard to get...
after all the rantering frm my dad....
i feel that my dad really loves us...he sacrificed alot...n noone knows the hidden side of him...
bt as i think of the way my dad spend his money n his life...
i give up...and it change my mind again...n now im so stuck..
hving prnts liek this make my life even more complicated...
every mth i hv to hear someone say their life gonan end...
biggest shocked ever is when my aunt told me grandpa suspected to hv cancer...
totally shocked...
aunts and uncle pray all the time...n finally results came out...my grandpa was ok...but nearly get it!...thank God...
i really nt ready for any death happen now...
_____________________________________________________
now, dad took out allt he insurance n let nth...everything gotta start from scratch again...
i really hope that i got a job
i really envy some ppl that they can hv job thru their talent
like some of my fren does...
currently sis tryign to sell off the clothes thru onlining..
n it actually show some response..coz got ppl interested...
hoepfully there'll b more pp interested in out stuff n dat it can help some financial of ours...
hope after this meeting..everyone will know hw to spend their money..
n the biggest prob is my bid sis...
che is alwiz the spender...n hoep she'll gonan change n help out our family....
n for me...
this financial prob can lead to many stress
as it means that i hv to really study well so dat i can get loan or schoalrship continuously or get an offer...which is something that is so impossible....
it really make me damn stress n frustrated...n ocoz i do want that i can make my fmaily proud n dat allt he money that i spend on my education is all worth it...
____________________________________________________
this is coz...seeing my dad working out those financial so damn hard...which...
he even gotta everyday eat maggi mee and nt goin to my grandprnt hse coz of feeling ashamed to c their faces staring at him with all the question bout money n mom...hiahz...
i just feel like ima horrid child...
____________________________________________________
nvm of those things ive said...
just crap that'll make u all feel confused n rose the agony too...coz annoying.....
ahaha
____________________________________________________
i wanted to involve myself in association..besides cheer which i give up of coaching coz gotta pay 300++ just to get cert as a coach...n oni last for some limit of period...so wtf...
and iw as thinking f...WWF..bt preferably SPCA ahaha....after watchign the animal planet where they the SPCA went to the area where the katrina hurricane hit them...n dey save the animal there....aww! seriously im so so so happy...is tears of joy! coz u can c hw happy the animal when the spca found them n sav ethem...nt oni that...those owner who found them back was marvellously ...*big smile* .....n im sure the spca ppl will b sooooo hapyp as well to c them reunite...amazing hw simple a person can satisfy sometimes...n i just wan tthat...
Thursday, September 07, 2006
4.41
itz thursday!...
means the 4th day of the week!...
n i sat at table 41 for exam...
ahha...so?
*scratch dat*
yep finished my physics exam....
i can say that utar is just so good lerh....actually the question was almost the same as the revision3..but oh no...i still cant do it...blame myself for nt studying and blame myself for being so stupid...but im nt blaming myself to score low...coz physics just aint my thing....and i swear that i really tot i wont b taking any science subjects anymore...even send away all my science bk...pfah~
still gt 2nd sem...physics part II )= ...my chances r high to re-sit for my physics paper...yerh...so torturing...plz no!..i dun wanna re-sit...bt the chances of it is like 70%? gosh....watz this...!!!
bt nevertheless....NEVER REGRET!...s0..move on move on....^__^ \/
my mind nowadayz keep on thinking the holiday dat i'll soon hv after exam!...wahh...cant wait.... ahem* let me speak some chinese..."hen chi dai....wo yau chu sha tan...!"
yesterday, din get to talk to**...i din online...i online bt appear to b offlien ...yep saw ** bt dun wann aonline elrh...coz i dun think i studied for my physics...flipping thru the same things ni..so reluctantly shut down my com...)'=
but ..hey..hey..hey...no..no... cannot lidet....
well im just afraid ** think too much...den again depressed...
wonder hws ** new job....
i intend to stalk ** bt then aiyah...dun so silly lerh...
eeks* staring at my phone now...i think that my phone is damn pathetic...so silent!!??
sucha loner...
$%$%^%$^%$^@#$@#$
100% true that h/p made ppl depressed...
sounds liek a curse!
somehow i have a curse...
which is that...
everytime there's final exam...i'll b sick n there'll b wholesome of fuss in my relationship....
i try nt to worried bout it..bt it seems to b happenign all the time though im nt like gonna care anyway...im just afraid it'll haunt me one day...den eevryday i'll b ying ju ying got this curse...oh by then...i'll b better off....TOOt
n now...im better of TIDUR!!!!!
~snoozy time~
means the 4th day of the week!...
n i sat at table 41 for exam...
ahha...so?
*scratch dat*
yep finished my physics exam....
i can say that utar is just so good lerh....actually the question was almost the same as the revision3..but oh no...i still cant do it...blame myself for nt studying and blame myself for being so stupid...but im nt blaming myself to score low...coz physics just aint my thing....and i swear that i really tot i wont b taking any science subjects anymore...even send away all my science bk...pfah~
still gt 2nd sem...physics part II )= ...my chances r high to re-sit for my physics paper...yerh...so torturing...plz no!..i dun wanna re-sit...bt the chances of it is like 70%? gosh....watz this...!!!
bt nevertheless....NEVER REGRET!...s0..move on move on....^__^ \/
my mind nowadayz keep on thinking the holiday dat i'll soon hv after exam!...wahh...cant wait.... ahem* let me speak some chinese..."hen chi dai....wo yau chu sha tan...!"
yesterday, din get to talk to**...i din online...i online bt appear to b offlien ...yep saw ** bt dun wann aonline elrh...coz i dun think i studied for my physics...flipping thru the same things ni..so reluctantly shut down my com...)'=
but ..hey..hey..hey...no..no... cannot lidet....
well im just afraid ** think too much...den again depressed...
wonder hws ** new job....
i intend to stalk ** bt then aiyah...dun so silly lerh...
eeks* staring at my phone now...i think that my phone is damn pathetic...so silent!!??
sucha loner...
$%$%^%$^%$^@#$@#$
100% true that h/p made ppl depressed...
sounds liek a curse!
somehow i have a curse...
which is that...
everytime there's final exam...i'll b sick n there'll b wholesome of fuss in my relationship....
i try nt to worried bout it..bt it seems to b happenign all the time though im nt like gonna care anyway...im just afraid it'll haunt me one day...den eevryday i'll b ying ju ying got this curse...oh by then...i'll b better off....TOOt
n now...im better of TIDUR!!!!!
~snoozy time~
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
lousy me)=
just finished eng paper....5 more to go....bah~ so bad...so disappointed... but hey..nth i can do bout it...screwed it!...but seriously i cant forgive myslef for this...i mean is english.....i must admit by now im d doopy 1...)'=
letz c...soon i will hv my physic paper that will gonna make me go phsycho....hehe...
i gotta add oil..."which means work hard in canto"
i started to chat wif ** more often...even if im nt the 1 who start the convers...(=
mayb coz ** nt bz chatting wif c' anymore..bt nevertheless..at elast still keep in touch...
and so does frendship...aight!
nth much to say...basically...
i wanna do lotsa thigns....:~
letz c...soon i will hv my physic paper that will gonna make me go phsycho....hehe...
i gotta add oil..."which means work hard in canto"
i started to chat wif ** more often...even if im nt the 1 who start the convers...(=
mayb coz ** nt bz chatting wif c' anymore..bt nevertheless..at elast still keep in touch...
and so does frendship...aight!
nth much to say...basically...
i wanna do lotsa thigns....:~
}|{ wanna study so damn hard
}|{ wanna go for cheerleading practice
}|{ wanan do back handspring
}|{ wanna o shopping
}|{ wanna go beach
}|{ wanna watch movie
}|{ wanna have more money!!!!!!
}|{ wanna learn dancing
}|{ wanna join mission
gosha lot lerh.....
Sunday, September 03, 2006
wat a nite
so ere it goes...hmm dunno where to start...ok...
c...is 3 am again....y must it everythign happen in 3am...gosh...
anyway...
it was todya that ** tok bout c' (**'s ex)
** was worried nowadayz...n i dunno what ** worried about...& so i decided2ask ** if c' noes bout ** blog..and ** say yes...i was thinking to tell ** bout my blog d wna ler...coz i feel like i dare to write this blog but i dun dare to let ** know..i feel so bad to talk bout ** without ** knowing...is so unfair for **...but as i wanted to tell **, ** add on....and somehow the thigns ** added on, made me hold back my intention...
**added on saying that ** told everything to c' and somehow closed file...but seems like y'day they started 2 hv prob again...yea i bliv its gonan b liek tis coz, is nt ez to say closed file then just closed like that.. n ** started to say that ** make things worse...coz c' doesnt talk to ** anymore, nto like it used to be b4 dat where they tok about everything..c' will talk to ** when c' doesnt like ** often go out with **'s fren's fren...and c' will call ** and tok to ** rite ere rite now that kinda thing...and after all this good thing that happen...as in their relationship is getting better, in a sudden ** brought up somethign that ** thinks that it make thigns worse...
[seeing ** so upset n worried n frustrated, i do not wanna see ** in this way...i've tried to b a listener n if possible, i wish i could help them~ nto trying to b an angel or heroin of the day..just for some reason i just want to b a gd listener though...but is this da rite thing for me to do? u'll c later!]
to cut thigns short....
truout the convers, i knew dat ** love c' so deeply and it eventually make me feel liek a total idiot..i'd tell them so many times dat "y nt get back togeda...get back togeda lerh..." soudns ez to say huh....but ** said that c' dun want to...coz c' exclaimed dat she's ez to fall for somebody& so she do nt wanna get back togeda n dat break up with ** again...[da evil side of me will think dat "yea rite.." coz..i mean..hw true can she b..well i bet everyone will say im the evil 1...haha...coz is alwiz those pity 1 got sympathized frm others..]
i feel dat somehw c' is nt bad at all..since she alwiz called ** to move on...but ** said that c' didnt also moved on..sow atz this....alwiz c' letting ** noe indirectly hw cham is she...n ** said that she wont moved on and whatzmore..c' gettign not enuf sleep,cannot really sleep, she go n get drunk, n said that moday she'll gonan hv test...worried she'll gonna get drunk n she was sick aso dunno she still sick anot, dat day cried for 3 hr ont he phoen with **...** said she very cham...all alone in aus, no1 to tok the problem with, oni tok to 2 psn...
so.....all this...i can surrender myself...of hw innocent she is...hw weak she is...but hey...hey....so she's nt getting enuf sleep huh..what about me? do u think i canr eally sleep?...im even worse i hv insomnia..n all i do was popping pills to amke myself sleep...n coz of 1 word u've said...i stop popping it..do u ever remmeber saying that?...i bet no... i ruined nt oni my exam..but my studies too since the day u murdered me...n at time when i was damn sick, hv u ever send any regard? bt to call me out though i've sadi that...im sick...but i sill accept ur offer, n for few moment, u oni said that im seriously so sick?..at taht moment..i nearly wanan screamed out loud...bt all i do is say "yeala" n smile!?...n u're telling me u alwiz put on a fake smile..so do i?..n c' cried for 3hrs! whoa wat a big deal...n da day u say that to me...i cried for almost 9 hr...i could rememebr...i lied on my bed...dunw anna get up..i tot i go to coach the minimitez n dat i wil forget everything...but i cant...i broke down as im coaching..i was embarassed..bt i tried my very best to keeps miling n nt to make evryone worried...soon iw ent home...i lied on my bed again...tears jsut rolled down so swiftly..i dried my tears...till my eyes was red liek flame!..sis askign wat hapepn...i said nth...just pain..swollen..bt deep down i noe she noe wat happen...bt im glad she understand...n leave me alone...my eyes became so swollen...i didnt eat much..went out dinner with family reluctantly...n still dad askign em why...i said it jsut swollen...i looked horrendous...ad all this shit, who am i to let anyone noe?...i eman who ever knows about it? i got no1 to tok to...at taht very moment i so need someone to share my toughts...my besties was in NS...n all i can do was this...blogging...i blgo n blog n blog...i became soembody who will oni express everythign thru blogging...frm that day..my tempered changed...sis hated me, i lose faith in God, i screwed up my studies, im neglecting my health, i more than a dead person...one thign i for sure still clear about is...i will nt gonan take drug or drunk myself...coz i think this is a waste of money n effort...silly thigns t do....but is hard for me..coz my brain still workign well n i just hope that ic an sleep all the time...but yet evrynite...i waited for ** online...
so ** siad that ** often wait for c' offlien oni ** will offline...
i realiesed...i ddi the same to...n what the h...i'm actaully being liek **....
mathwmatically saying...c' is in pain but ** is twice the pain fo ehrs n im like triple the pain tahn theirs...get it?...
the thigns i lose to them is that they've been liek almost hw many yrs d? n ** waited for yrs...and what am i?..im just 5mth of mending my wounds...n spending with ** for oni few dayz? i mean i dowanna said this to myslef but seriosuly it so obvious that i gotta "F**ked ofF"...
i was upset not coz ** break up wif me...im upset coz the relationship ended up coz our relationship hv never got any worth!(mou ga jik) is NEVEr...i felt so betrayed..i was the dummies all da time...im so hollow..im such a kelefeh int his whole drama!...mayb i hate pp l who lied to me...n y **?...y the psn who lied is u...the torn that poke in thru my heart have been taken out recently..bt the scar ive obtained..remains there...n never eprfetc anymore...i feel dissatisfied with me having that scar u noe...(too deep?) so im indeed put no impact on ** but all the time...im killign myself with my own softly n the impact ...is all backfired on me...
y is ay so?...isnt it so obvious...they're meant togeda n y shud i b so stupid to involev myself in...this is their prob..i shud've just dun care rite...bt y i care?..ahte myself weyh...
it makes me bliv that im a leo so mcuh..i eman i dun really bliv in horoscope bt so true for me to deny it....leo si so loyal n never wanna giev up....im mysterious...is nt as simple as u think...i take LOVE seriously....
allt he while ** online coz just wanna tok to c'......
so im very sure that ** nvr love me b4 though ** said that ** did... (i wnated to scold her so badly for syaing that..coz is total nonsense n bullshitting me?)
i guess ** think that i can hand;le it and im ok rite now...coz i didnt act like c' does...all i cans ay that....i swear that my situation that i go thru is much much more harder than both of u...though most of u all will say "aiyah u aso break up logn time d samo gam chign nt say evry deep aso...shud b ok la"
haha...
if i nvr confessed to **...it hink i would b ok...mayb i acns till loev ** secretly till now....we can still b da fren we sued to b b4 dat...but...all these juts like fated....happen to b a twist...i've asked u nt to cnfessed to em coz ure impulsive...didnt i?....n u're so sure...u sos ure..saying that u really do want me...n u've been tellign c' that u found me bla bla bla...so all this...u're givign em hope...the hope that i swear i dun wanna hv it in my life...LOVE~....i swear that iw ont gonan b in any relationship anymroe...n U...u regained my hope...n once agin u take it back...i hit..i hit myself..i blame i blame myself...im sorry i sorry for myself...thoguh i noe the relationship we're in..will tn last long...bt u neo wat..."cheong tung bat yu duin tung" this 6 words..can aso means "duint ugn wui dou hei gang tung"...tai duin elrh...is like u're putting a 100 degree wtaer into a 0 degree case...n the glass broke imemdiatly....this is hw my herat felt...i break into pieces...i toook this pointless risk...im putting my life n my soul at risk...n now is all crushed...evryone tot im evil...id un care...bt every evil ppl hv their story...n just no1 ever know...
all that c' said...hit me damn hard inside my heart....i hate her so badly nt to deny it....i am..i hate...coz i just vfeel she's alwiz so fake...n makign me to b the baddist...i mean si fine now...im used to it...n i noe ** gona kill me for saying her this...well i dun mind..i mean i jsut wanan say..if u love someone...u wont want to let the person u love worried or being sad...u have to show that u're movign on eventhough u're not...coz u;re nt moving on thatz y ** aos njt moving on...so whatz the point?..stop beign so childish...i can bet i can b so matured that u realyc ant imagien it..if u love ** tell ** n dun give so amny stupid reason..coz ur;e afraid bal bla bla n in the end u acting so strange n cham n ** started to worried for u....n if u say dunw anna get along with ** d...den can u plz hv a 100% ready b4 u siad that?...n for **..if u noe c' love u can u plz tell ehr that u dun mind to b hurt one day since she's ez to fall for anyone? ....rite nwo i dunno wat i wanna say...just feel like ..im betrayed, angry, n sad...i wanna hv abig laugh on myself for being the person who got no benefit fr it...all ive gt is the backfired on me...such a dummies...that ** can play around...
but i do wnat them to b togeda....coz i dun wanna see ** sad and worried....im such a joker...hw can i help them ...hw can i stahnd ** saying the prob with c' n i pretend nth at all...im just so good...i rather i myself hv all the blame...den letting ** noe bout wat i go thru...all ** realized is im a optimistic erson n that i will b ok wif it n c' no..c' is emotional weak n need ** protection...hw lovely...im too good....mayb is god that ppl think im evil...coz i memang wanna b evil1....
last nite aso...i prayed to God...n i hope God will answered my prayers soon....God hv made me stand strong till now...really is amazing hw God bw ith me whenevre i started to get weak again...n ging thru everyday life....amen!
nt to b forgotten...my frens too lately....(u neo who u r)
is my last n final time i wish i am dat i cried as hard as i could....plz...i want it to b my last time...i dun wanna cry for ** anymore....
Saturday, September 02, 2006
take back!
i guess i gotta change abit on that i've said last nite...ahahaa.... it mite coz ** nt happy...just that ** drunk...yea i forgotten bout that...mayb coz i;ve been logning to c ** happy again...i eman i miss ** smile....so....aihz..hw can i missed the main point of ** smi;ling?....stupid me...
i feel so betray by **......
for allt hsi while...
im invisible....
all the things dat ive been into is so hollow now to me...
so hollow...
all da while is just ** n c*....
im somehow a kelefeh...ive got no benefit at all...
so if any of u both think u're such in a cnfusion, dilemma, dissapointment, suffering, and all this shit...
i can tell...i've been thru worse than u all...
note my words!
stop being such an ego...
stop being such a [erfect person u tot u r....
stop sayign that u're alwiz rite....though i noe u'll b denyign that u;re nt....but u dun realised!
u r liek that....realised it plz
listen to me!
just listen!...
im so sux!
rite?
i feel liek i lie to **....whnever i look at this blog..i feel like i lie to **...ive been hiding it to **...n ere i am saying that i love **?
im so so so urgh!
i feel so betray by **......
for allt hsi while...
im invisible....
all the things dat ive been into is so hollow now to me...
so hollow...
all da while is just ** n c*....
im somehow a kelefeh...ive got no benefit at all...
so if any of u both think u're such in a cnfusion, dilemma, dissapointment, suffering, and all this shit...
i can tell...i've been thru worse than u all...
note my words!
stop being such an ego...
stop being such a [erfect person u tot u r....
stop sayign that u're alwiz rite....though i noe u'll b denyign that u;re nt....but u dun realised!
u r liek that....realised it plz
listen to me!
just listen!...
im so sux!
rite?
i feel liek i lie to **....whnever i look at this blog..i feel like i lie to **...ive been hiding it to **...n ere i am saying that i love **?
im so so so urgh!
Friday, September 01, 2006
weird
is jz miraculously happent hat i cant sleep at this hr...i was sleeping...but just couldnt...sumthing ike sensing me to get out to hv a drink...as i went out of my room..i go get some drinks...n den snap! while i was drinking...eeks..i stare at the com...n just happen that i quickly go n on the com...purpose- to check oout if ** still on....was a relieve ** didnt on...so i eager to check out ** blog...i saw wat ** did during merdeka...n u noe wat...at this moment..i totally really extremely...happy..i dunno y..bt was werid..i just feel so happy coz i saw ** smile...n hw ** has been doing all the while without me!...it was good elrh..to c ** smile...so happily...n dat it pput on a smile on me too...i just feel so relieved rite now...i cant explain y...mayb someday u all will understand wat i mean!...
k..now i can go snooze peacefully n happily...
toodles~
k..now i can go snooze peacefully n happily...
toodles~
3more mth to go
left just 3 more month...
i beg my pardon!
is 3 mroe mth to another new year...
dont u think time passed by so fast?
hey i havent even succeed any of my plan weyh....
all happens to be failed...
so upset...haihz.....
hw long have i taken to heal myself i wonder?...
its been 5 mth now...n im nt totally ok yet...aiyoh...this shows hw slow am i...
3more mth left to new yr...and allt he memory i have for 2006, 3/4 of it almost covered the whoel chapter of heartbreak!?
God knows why....
friend...now i seriously need ur help...
i sux!
i beg my pardon!
is 3 mroe mth to another new year...
dont u think time passed by so fast?
hey i havent even succeed any of my plan weyh....
all happens to be failed...
so upset...haihz.....
hw long have i taken to heal myself i wonder?...
its been 5 mth now...n im nt totally ok yet...aiyoh...this shows hw slow am i...
3more mth left to new yr...and allt he memory i have for 2006, 3/4 of it almost covered the whoel chapter of heartbreak!?
God knows why....
friend...now i seriously need ur help...
i sux!
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