resisting it

yesterday..or mayb this morning...round 2am i guess...
we nearly quarrel...
though i want to scold ** damn badly...but y i resist it? im so soft-hearted...
useless me...i mean WHY...i changed topics so abruptly...it just so obvious..my goodness..feel so annoyed and irritated by myself....
tellign my fren more about wat hapepn to me...sometimes i questioned myself..im disgusted bout myself...but...well...i dun even care somehow...coz not like i told damn lotsa ppl...about my love life...it mite due to i dun hv any frenz...or i dun trust the frenz that i have..or mayb i dun think any1 should know as it's not liek they're interested after all...
if it turns out bad..im sure objections will wrapped me up entirely...

i've once said i let go...yes i did..im not trying to eat back my words..i justw anan say dat...letting go and loving ** r 2 diff things..letting go ...is dat i didnt long or desperate to have ** anymore..not liek b4 where i tortured myself till i suffer like im in a torture chamber...or i feel tormented or felt absolutely nonsensical...loving ** ..i guess tehre's no reason y i still love **..is da feelings...n i noe everyone will say.."aiyah feelings...wat can u judge tru feeligns?...knowing ** for hw long? knwow at is love meh?" well hw sure r u to judge?..ut hink u know dat well too? actually love ...love's created by oneselves i blif..i get this statement..trut he show i mention previously in my blog...if u ever read that..is not that im a movie freak or im sensitive...but it is logical...God's created love ... we r supposed to find it out individually...it cant b explain...for oni themselves know..likewise u asked those oldies who hv been married n stills o lovingly togeda...when they tok bout their relationship...we can oni imagine hw sweet it is but for them...there's deeper meaning within...we just dun get it...
is all up 2 u guyz whether u agree not....
im just expressing my view of point...

last nite...i wanna break down so badly...sadly i cant...ive tried...btu i just cant..i felt like i began to be so cruel...and as i din go church liek almost ages...i feel the guilt at the bottom of my heart...
having feelings are not a good thing rite now...God i want to cry out so loudly....please let me do so...just cant breath...