3more pups!

seriosly plz ask around!
crybaby is having a home d...
miss him rite now...
the other 3, my sis's fren's fren so call 
say that will wanan adopt 3,
now sya nt sure...
gosh!
ok well...
firstly i hope that my sis fren's dad will
 liek crybaby n dat he will permit
him to adopt anohter 1...
2ndly, i hope the girl who reply my sis
 msg will like the pups n she will adopt them!

FYI,
my sis bf's mum threatened to kill them soon...
so im really desperate that someone will adopt them!
if nt they'll b put to sleep by those
nonsense spca!
y do i live in msia with all those cruel ppl...
y acnt they just like other country
like america where animals hv their own
rights and law and importance!

rainy day

feelign as if the rain signifying sumthing bad;
its hard to let u all go;
im useless..;
sry jacky that u couldnt see them for the last time;
but this is a way to ot let u miss them!
i feel so sad;
heartache;
if only i have a bigger house!
if only...
ah! feel so silly rite now
but wat to do...me n my sis born to b a dog's lover
over-passionate to dogss...
this is my memory with them all!
i will gonna miss each everyone of u!
blacky/fei jai/leatehrback/crybaby!
oh tak boleh tahan...
i acnt stop cryign...
just like givingaway my baby reluctantly!

aDopT pleaSE!

as i said on the previous post,
i will upload the pics of the caplang dog..
seriously if i hv a big hse! i will adopt all of them...
or if im nt staying in apartmetn which is so darn small! 
unfortunately i couldnt!
iw anna adopt one lerh...
argh!
so gonna miss them!
bt i wish someone better will gonan adopt them!
plz plz ask around n help me out!
pretty please

so damn moody

today wasnt my day man..feel such a fool..
puttign on my @#!@# face
argh! gosh!..
lack of sleep+shedding tears = oogli(ugly) eyes!
yerh!...
tmr, saturday! yes saturday..
again i got class...
gonna hv class on saturday for 7 weeks..means round 2mth!..
wat a life!
datz bloody sufefring...
c! no point having holiday rite? even public holiday!
ok as if we r nt public lidet!
whatever it is...
tmr sux!
n i wonder when can i finished up all my homework?
cant believe that i havent geta  topic for my public speaking..
any suggestion?
what do u all liek to here?
give some suggestion lah!
don read read read...
my blog so pathetic lerh...

anyone wanna adopt a puppy ah?
is darn cute
erm im syaing to those who r animal's lover, take good responsibilities
good hearted and all the good virtue that an owner shud hv lerh...
if u nt sure wat a gd owner means...
feel free to ask me in any means...
erm the photo i will upload it later lerh...haha...

nothign to post about.
i feel indirectly exhausted nt coz im sleepy..bt i feel the swollen eyes
makes me looks so sleepy...
cant open lidet...

n yes..today iw ould like to thanks a person...
that is zack!..
thnak u so much!..
truly appreciate it!(=

just suspecting...

did u all have astro?
do u all watch channel 30? wah lai toi..9.30pm show?
"healing hands"?
bout doctors...?
well yesterday episode really shocked me!
coz rite...
there's actually having disease called "depression"...D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N...
yes it is depression..
n i look at the symptoms of the doctor having that disease...
almost so true to be jsut like mine.
and my eyes was liek wide-opened..just acnt wait the next episode on hw he gonan overcome it...so that i can overcome it too...
n den the way he overcoem this disease...er kinda like impossible for me anyway coz im nt a doctor...bt nevertheless somethign snapped at my forehead at taht moment.
i did learn alil bit of lesson from there lerh..bt i cant tell wat i'd learn coz is inside my heart! hehe
so im suspecting myself getting disease of depression!
im #$@#$ dizzy rite now...
im hvaing total guilt in me...
im talkign bout homework..haha..yes homework and assignment n stuff
which i didnt touch it..
like those papers infected by germs lidet.
dare not touch it.
** finally on9...
awkwardly, 10 fingers plus both hand was extremely cold by now.
warm again
flow to my feet...so cold now...
rite now...im thinking by myself
"what does confession repays u?"
"what do u think u'll get from confession?"

tonite ppl talkignt o me will gonna b thinking watz worng wif me?
am i kidding?
am i nutz?
no im nt but i dont know.
i acted starnge..
i just hv the feelings that i think tonite im strange!

wat shud i say?

25/10
today is my besty bday, lixin!
sad to say that she's not with us to celebrate 
as she is so bz with her metriculation.
really do miss her so much..and i mean soo so soo much!
i last seen her was during wesak day.
and datz it.
but as i browse through her friendster,
im glad that she enjoy her life in metri.
and whatz more can i say? 
as long as she's happy and taking care of herself!
having exam soon so i wish dat lixin, 
if u ever read this..i hereby wish u all the best
and gd luck in ur exam ya.
and don forget that u'll gonna meet us up after ur exam!

i really felt like crying;
but i couldnt...
im just being so grumpy, just like having pms bt no i don hv.
i was sad i guess..
sad that i miss my fren,
i fear...
i fear of plenty of things..
and tonite..this very nite..
was so sux..
i failed everythign i planned...
every single contact in msn ive waited...oni 1 succeed but...
still...till today no1 can ever b like "u"
--------------
words like "gtg" "bye" appear b4 i do;
making me so upset sometimes;
bt i cant do anything;
bcoz things dont come ur way all the time and i respect that;
well mayb im just being like a psycho.
--------------
mum was sick..
i blame myself, for nt getting to do anythign while i know my mum is sick;
i ponder,
what can i do?
wat can i do?
da more i ask myself this question, the more i hate myself!
im a horrid child!
i try to do all i can...
i tot i did my best, but no..im not.
im just giving 100% bt it supposed to b 110%
--------------
grandma couldt stop saying she's gonan die;
n here i am fail to pursue her;
and again i tot i did;
not!
---------------
** wasnt b seen!
was i blocked by u?
hw...when..why must it b so different as fren b4 and after?
---------------
im gonna tremble so badly.
i want to find out the answer.
answer taht im supposed to know.
what on Earth is happening to the those i love?!
im collapsing...im speechless...i dunno hw to seek for help...
thanks jo i noe u did ask me whther i wanna "fatt sit"
yes indeed i want bt just i feel so bad if i fatt sitt on u!
is just not fair for u.
and u noe my "method" of letting out my fume is gonna b realli ridiculous
and scary
and terrible
and u r gonan b speechless?!
bt i bliv u understand me more than i do.(=
--------------
im feeling better now...
c soem part i just couldnt figure out wat it means...
just make no sense.
bt well..
i understand anyway.
wateva!
--------------

shoot me..

supposingly today is one fine day.
fully planned i guess for the entire monday.
firstly me and few friends went to ss2 to eat lunch.(tp,jo,sw,js,lp)
den went to watch devil wears prada(which i've watched it trice)(ts/lp/wein/woon)
bt still nice! haha....gisele was in it! woohoo...
after dat when was about to eat our dinner,
plan changed..
most of them nt eating dinner..
out of a sudden...i felt like was possessed or sumthing.
abit gila abit insane abit annoyed.
i was disappointed, mad, dissatisfied.
not because of they nt eating dinner which ive planned.
(which is so ridiculous if it hapened to be the reason rite)
but it just.
i hv it-the mood swing again.
and at that moment i thought-i shudnt b like **
scolding or causing conflict to my fren..
i do not want this kinda immature childish nonsensical drama.
n i try to covered it all up.
hoping that i will chill up.
and slowly it did i glad it did.
wish to apologized to u,wein...
hating myself at that moment coz showing such @#$@#$ attitude.
reason behind it.
erm, guess i do not wanna say much.
nth to do with anyone of u.
im not sure if u all actually know bout this that time.
but anyhow, my monday at least did step out of my hse!
n is been long time that i din hang out with more than 1 person?!
yes it's true.
used to go out wif oni 2person.
max 3.
so yeay! its a big twist!
the day ends up having a hilarious situation
cz erm..
gotta rush,swollen the food,speed
results: we're rushign for nutZ!
aiyoh!

* finally found the reason why people depressed or heartbroken
will wanna leave or take a flight n leave the place.*
coz it's just so sick and overwhelming!

next,
.
.
i wish tmr will never come.
coz i ahvent started to do any..
pardon me..yes..ANY A-N-Y of the homework.
ok shoot me please!
i donow at to say for my public speaking.
though i lourve to talk so damn alot.
and this shows hw crap and swt is my conversation all the while.
im not ethical at all.
gosh!

**,
wondering if u ever concerned bout
wat im trying to tell ya
show'ya
i got no response frm u.
is dat so hard to get response?
sometimes i wonder is dat hard?
nt oni ** bt human..
shall i feel ur present?
can i even questioned?
i begin to b uncertained
to ever wanna concerned
--there's no lesson learnt frm tis--
--i just don want to learn--
im sry to myself.
coz ive forsaken myself
ive tried to love myself therefore.
if i love myself, i'll kill myself.
just like u've once said.
"i love you,so i kill u"
but u missed out the original of this quote.
"im sorry to u for wat i have done.
i love u
so i kill u
its d oni thing i can do
to stay 2geda with u 4ever"
bcoz u didnt want to commit that.
and i was a fool.
coz i din noe bout the whole entire caption of that.
*smirks*
hardlerh...
when can i overcome this?
never?
chronic desease dat cant b cured but to control. aight!

deeparaya~hols

is holiday! but for me, still doesnt seems like a holiday.
tons of work gotta finished up. )=
this is so pathetic*
im so dead; im struggling with my studies, my time, and myself.
today i felt a sudden loneliness in me.
*i think i wonder i reminisce*
many question pops up in my mind; keep on questioning me.
almost gotten myself into "crazy-being".
im running out of things to blog coz i feel my blog is sucha retards n yea pathetic again.
hmm..wondering y i didnt post any video again?
haha...coz im lazylerh 9=
im so bored!
i miss u....(shuddup bit**!)
0.O  ohnooo...omg...im sucha phsycho maniac

since im runnign out of things to blog.
give u all soem tips about me!
mauahah...well i know u all not interested.
don lidet lah ok.

(NoTe: SuBJeCts tO change)

 5 THInGs I HaTE  )=<

• celery
  
• smoke
• bittergourd
• clown
• mosquito

5 ThiNgS i LiKe )=

• mostly things in white or black or both.
• rare tulips *d you know what type? haha find out urself q=*
• cars
• arts and creative stuff
• dogs

haha..so datz all i guess..till then..
wait for next part!

• 
  

blood donation(=

the following images mite not be suitable for age below 18!
.
.
.
nah! just kidding!
well me and zack,waicynn, sushuen(issit lidet spell?!) 
went to donate blood erm today..yesterday..today..
ok erm on thursday den...
wein,yoonsin,shingyee went d day before..hehe...
so wat makes us go for it?..ahah...i also do not know!
as for me...
im curious i guess and since all of them donating..well
y not give it a try! 
anyway donating blood is somehow a good deed rite!!




 

enough of all the blood..
now let me present the people who just like me! haha...eh nt like me as in lame all thos elah..but also having the heart of GOLD!

SO SORRY WAICYNN! I DIN TAKE A PICS OF U! SO SORRY...COZ THAT GUY BLOCKING ME...CANT TAKE! YES YESMY BAD!
SO PEOPLE THERE'S ALSO WAICYNN! WHO HAS HEART OF GOLD!

it is not taht painful though!
in fact u get to know ur blood type and get some small er kinda like goodies!(ok dtaz nt that matter)
but indirectly, by donating blood, u may be the 1 who can save someone's life!
whatzmore it's free!
just wanna say if oni everyone could help out and sacrifice sumthign to help others...the world will b truly beautiful!
donate or volunteer if u can!

random.random.random.

as soon as we deliver out of our mom's womb::
would u believe that our story begins at that instance?

we watch so many movie and all we ended up concluding
 that "aiyah its just a movie!"
but we at teh same time dont realised,
we are also part of an actor/actress in our daily life.
we somehow willgonna have intro, content,climax,ending.
i must say...
everyone of us have the same intro and ending...
why do i say so?
is because...all of us begins with where we came from! we came from our mom's womb..
AND wat about ending?
well everyone will gonna leave this world someday rite...
"life&death"...we can never avoid this 2 elements in the cycle of living!
but the content for evryone mite nt be the same...
datz y we cant judge a book by its cover...
when u walkby the streets...
u see ppl all smilign away..ppl with fatigue faces...people who looks liek having pms...and so on...
we wouldnt know wat lies beneath their past or wat they're enduring....
we wouldnt know...
but we human alwiz have a habit on guessing and makign all the prediction and i mean..well...just toofree to have nth to do but finding somethign to do...which leads to thinking too much...thinking and imagine somehow have a different meaning..but i hav both..
yes i confess i think too much and im over-imaginative...
anyway what im trying to say is..
do not judge people for u have no rite to judge people...
do not be decieved by one's look...




Life is all about making decisions...
i really liek the poem during our 2ndary literature...
"The Two Roads".i think...izzit? oops forgottent he title...
but soemthign lidet lerh....
yeah...so i wonder...when can we stop making decisions?
the answer is we will never escape from this..
this is life!


but i alwiz felt like the decisions i make alwiz wrong...
especially big decision that i ahve to make...
though ive been so carefully and free from repulsive thinking..
still i feel like i failed...
and dEEeennn...
i will go on giving feedback and den comapre then i will keep saying "if i bla bla bla...then i mit ehva bla bla bla..."
im whining..
im regretting...
im hoping that time will turn back as soon as possible...
but all this just impossible...
den suddenly i will think "i can tmove on my life lerh..everyday so depressed evryday so dissatisfied"
but..apar frm that..here comes my angel!..
den she will say "u r movign on wif ur life...arent u still living everyday...sun rise sun set moon rise moon set...actually u still have to move on wif ur life...be patient and awaits watz lies ahead...soemtimes u just cant think much lerh...coz u cant c the future..and there will b long wya to go...so since u're still young... shud nt waste ur time...as time is precious...but again easy to say bt takes lotsa efforts to do it as we alwiz get challenges that getting tougher and tougher..."



den i say "hopefully i could brainwash myself in order to change my plot of my story...bah~ just so exhausted walking with my life one step by one step..."

b4 i go.i would wanna say...my maglish is terrible too...so im fine if u don understand wat im tryign to say..as my essay will never good...
yea the term i hold is "double-S" [SS] which is syoks endiri...
yaya...wateva...
i somehow just vomit out wat im thinkign at this poitn...so forgive me...

conflict!

just few minutes ago, me n other fren were having some gossips session!

was really surprising to hear alot of unexpected incident happened in my uni..

what on Earth will these immature ppl doin such childish act on others?

doin all the crime but never reveal the identity...wat a coward..mayb they shud learn to grow up before stepping in uni..

girls can be so dangerous...

watz more when there's girls fight.

well mayb thatz wat happen when whole bunch of chinese get togeda?!

.

.

another part that we bring up is about one fo my fren prob.

friendship problem.

yesh this is a serious prob to me..

because, listenign to her problem, can really reflects on me as well..

im fortunate to have a best fren dat realli understand me..

but rite, we'll never know wat happen tmr..because , many things cant be predicted..

oops sry jo nt to say that i don trust our friendship but yea i mean..

all this is ought to think about rite..

.

.

oh by the way today is saturday..

shatter my day...= shatterday

u noe y?

u really wanna noe y?

.

.

.

.

IM HAVING CLASS TODAY!

ON SATURDAY!

NOT QUARTER DAY BUT HALF A DAY

WTF

9-5.30

HAVING 3 AND A HALF HR BREAK

omfg...do they ever think that this is wat a waste of time and do they ever consider us as a student and nt machine?

we needed some time to rest and chill too..

i mean if is mornign class...well im fine

but hey this is till 5.30

im darn tired and exhausted..

everyday i will hv mood swing..bt oni i'll keep it to myself..unless im too obvious..

anyway this is wat this stupid uni doing all the time.

bad time management and still wanna give courses to us bout time management or learning skills all those...wat a shame..

.

.

p/s sry miza...coz i sending u a mysterious and frekay mail to u all the while...ahaha

i din noe that...so...ahaha...

sry sry...

^^

my confession

am i a hopeless person?
i am a hopeless person! please tell me im not.

"no u're not"

me: "nah~i am lah!"

ok c..thatz gonna goes on and on...
so clear that i know i am coz i keep saying i am though ppl say im not.
so i am lah rite...so int he end the reply is...

"i dowanna tok to u lah...u so hopeless"

** used to say "y u so sad all the time or ebing negative"

well..i also dun get it..i just feel like there's nth for me to happy about since the day u..u...nvm...

there's time where i can b very optimistic...
yea 1 of the time is when i become the listener.
the time where others r more problematic than me.
the time where im in church.
the itme where ** talkign to me.
the time where i become advisors....
.
.
.

frankly, at the moment, the ppl i can consult to is jo n sw..
is clear that im quite picky on friends lidet...
haha
well..im nt easy to trust ppl.mayb thatz teh reaosn y lerh..
bt i folo my intuition most of the time...
i got frens! nt sya i don hv any...just dat i called it those "hardcore" fren is nt easy to find..
seldom i hang otu wif frenz...often hanging out with the particular circle of fren oni..mayb nt circle bt triangle...
*pathetic*


i've been so sensitive lah~
i need 2 control d...
live goes on..
i acnt b like this forever...

i begin to be ill-advised of....

i read many blogs from 1 link to another and it goes on and on.
when i keep on reading numerous blog, it eventually get boring and i stop.
however, each and everyday,when i read somethign new or discover new blog, i will alwayz have the urge to compare mine with them.
the resutls of it is alwayz pathetic.i mean my blog is pathetic.
in other saying, im abusing blog.
supposingly a blog is somethign that is to post somehting that is knowledgeable, special, and as a medium to change person's life which was my intial purpose but i failed to do it.
i really admire those blog who having large no. of comment and visitors, their coherent languages, and their variable posts daily.

ah~ yes den when i look at mine, gosh wat a blog?! full of disatisfaction, rantering, whine, saddening and depressing posts: which 80% is all bout me and ** ; but i stated below that it is anyway bout ** n me!
mr kuru (public speaking's lecturer) actually mentioned that blogging is somethign like public speaking which is speak to the audience and which can potray the identity of the speaker.
so means this shows dat i am a depressing person, a saddist, a loner?...i bliv it is true den.
who iam before..no longer becomes a matter.
human change anyway.

if u r observant enuf...or being my fren. if u don realised this.erm..den..erm i donno lehr. just wanna say. do u all relaised i never tell about who i am or giving any description in my profile neither here or anywhere.
coz i feel like i never be who i am.
it's difficutl to be me.
no matter what's the thruth, whether im making it complicated or difficult for myself or i am this kinda person.
i really don care that much coz does it really matter to know the truth soemtimes?
not really.
wth. again im nt sure wat im trying to say...so scratch that.

at this hr....while iw as talking to my fren, wein, ** suddenly online..freaky isnt it?...
i mean is not freaky
but is extremely freaky...
freaks me out of my nerve!
but again.
i don expect ** to greet me.
mayb i shudnt said ** until like ** so bad, mayb ** indeed bz with the work..rite?
(=

i've posted this kinda out of mind post in myspace blog...
gosh i donno y i post it...
n indeed at that point i know my purpose is to let** know...coz ** know bout this blog...
obvious my perpose is clear...but y do i still bother? and think again?
but deep in me..im hitting myself so hard.... again...



\/
a few month ago...
im more likely to have take a gun and shoot myself...
few weeks ago...
im more liekly to have tied my prey up and being such an annoyance....
few dayz ago...
im more liekly to deny and living in the life of HELL...yes was totally a HELL...
rite now...
it is becoming so cliche...
.
.
.
there's once u set me free...
releasing me out of my locked cage...
flyign with me and taking me to see a broader view...
i'll be so self-centered..
if i still puttign grudge on u and forcing it by holding it hard the tied-up string...
for i know all the while im clapping with one hand...
the sound was not heard but the "clapping" makes me think it's makign teh sound...
im unable to challenge the rule of God and to ask for anythign when im just 4dayz compare wif a 5 yrs...
i do not want to play hide n seek anymore...
tired of u hiding n me seeking...
so it's my turn to set u free...
ocoz....it is not as easy liek this...
no doubt...i hope u rememeber ur promise...bt that erm..wateva lerh...
when u're in need...
i'll alwiz here for u....
wateva u do..
i know there's many ppl supporting u...
but never forget...
i will alwiz support u...
because....
u r alwiz my fren...
and i hope i am....(previously i seriously asking for more tahn that...but now im clear of wat i want)
soemtimes situation juts say otherwise i guess...
uh! ok...its time to spread ur wing n find who u really are...most importantly love urself...n take care...n i realliw anna c u happy...truly happy...

)=

just let me spend this nite reminiscing the time we had.
.
.
.
.
.
ok
.
.
.
if only tears could also shed my memories...
if oni memories could fade away like an unwanted dusts...
if oni i am a simple person...
if oni there's no discrimination...
then...
my life is worth abundant...
.
.
.
im difficult...
i make things complicated for myself...
im physically strong...
but my soul is a naive ignorant baby...
i mite hv a tale..
tale frm the past..
a sinful and a tragic tale...
brought it back wif me...
i mite as well end it now....
.
.
.
sorry my fren for disappointing u all while u've been giving me suposrts all the while...
thank u fren dat u make me realised and let me felt like th ened of fren..
i appreciate it and i never fet such needing a fren when im falling..never thouht of it...
.
.
.
tonite...
is the nite..
datz like deja vu...
endless tears...
feeling every inch of my pain and sorrow...
still ended up as a tragic conclusion...
.
.
.
guyz.
stay away frm me for i am toxic..
i will kill in the cruel way
for im sealing the door...
till the day i found someone like u again...

hear this..

haha im so crap!
yes i noe...but it hink is so farny..aaha
it takes some time to load so be patient..

bring forward

Ok this is soem of the pics during my gatehring yesterday......

im so chaotic ^^

my day was delighted by the message from single-Yck...if u dont really get what this initial really means, it means yau char kuai...ok just let me continue~

SCENE I
i supposed to be going to 1utama but ended up cant make it...why?!
because of my dearest father who having PMS out of a sudden...
everything was so devastating...i went to ss2 with my sista to collect stuff...and it happened to be so jammed and so hot...i can feel myself getting overly-cooked...
uh-huh and im smart enough to wear black pants...so my "ham" (it also means my thigh) was burning...
back to my house! was so relieved ... just perceived that outside the temperature is much lower than my kancil!...gosh!
but well..i reached home aaaannnddddddd.......
saw my dad fixing the washing machine..and we know we have to start doing somethign before he gonna yelled at us...and indeed he did...he yelled at my sista who was being called by him to fetch a pale of water bt taking her so long to fetch it..
so where am i?..haha luckily i went to toilet...but i heard the quarrelled between them 2...so once i get out of my lovely toilet...i started to sweep and mop the floor...

SCENE II
in my grandparent's house~
my family having these gatehring that we called "dai yut zhi" where we all will be going to my grandprant's hse to eat ... and today was fun! because my dad came along...and there wasn't any conflict happen..
besides just eating, we: kids and aged ppl like us, went out and play tanglung; candles
just so amazing that we still love to play lantern and candles...
after that we had a lil chit chat and soon more n more ppl join us....and outside the hse was really merry...
later on grandma invites neighbour to come in n eat...n so they somehow gotat come in n hv fun with us....
supposingly puchong is a place where it potraits as if malays conquer that place...whatzmore is puasa time and here we are...the oni hse int he middle of a quiet night...lotsa noise and like celebrating for CNY...haha...
there were several weird and humour thigns happened actually..mayb later on i'll just tell u all by posting thru video...*i'll try though*

SCENE III
went home and i online...
ok datz nt really a scene but erh wateva...
so i went online n there were many thigns poppign out in my msn..
den as i read it..ooo is my timetable...was bad!
subjects.....bad........time.........bad........
totally depressing..)=
n tmr im gonna start schooling again...
its liek a plague...bringing disaster to pl...sigh*
and den hv a chat wif frenz...
n just as everyone offlien...** online
say thx to me for buying ** the present...
after taht tok about few seconds...or minutes...
**offlien..
again without saying any goodbye...
and yes ppl...i din chat wif ** for soemtimes...
is kinda hard but..i guess im either trying to avoid...or tyring to help myslef..or doign it for my good sake...so if u think it is a positive action...i wish u all culd give me some supports...
all else u noe...everything i did will gonna be in vain...frankly, im not happy doign this...not comfortable doing this...but hey, i gotta try b4 i make any conclusion rite...

b4 i go...
i Thank GOd that the haze finally depleting!!!

*i will gonna post some pics real soon but nt now...~*
*becaoz hard to bliv but true....i wanna take a nap*
hehe
oink`

sometimes, song says it all...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

CHORUS
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh, oh oh

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

mmthis is some kinda irrelevant post..

ok i bought thia mic..and i've been tryign to do somethign special out of it..coz i really wanted to make video but just dont get a mic..finally i bought it...so ppl this is a trial and basically my sound is so soft..coz is late at nite n nt supposed to talk loudly...if u wanna hear my ugly voice and wanted to know wat bullshit im saying..ahaha try to increased the volume of ur speaker...headphoen just to soft..ahaha...and the screen is darn dark..hehe i purposely 1...coz i look so hay-wire...ahaha...oogly thatz wta i called....so just enjoy...ahahah...

total madness

today was totally unbareable! last nite i'd been a lil bit typsy after i went yam cha wif frenz and when i went home, just drink madly after few hrs...wakign up today caused me having bad headaches...but i manage to get myself fine again! i wish that i never again did that...was bad lerh...but it feels good for me to make myself sleep! finally or mayb not...i found a way to make myself sleep?! but it is bad...so i can just ignore it...i feel abundant of sin in me for being or looking or presenting myself so far off diff as a christian...
anyway, as i woke up, reali did nothing but to eat and online...feeling as if im a lazy fat bums...and just trying to have some relaxation by onlining...there goes this shocking news dat gets myself from excitement to disapointment to annoyance and to frustration...sometimes i wonder y do i care so much of my marks when i actually did pretty good...the thing is im nt satisfy for it is off the target and i tot it will b better....for some reasons, i realli need to do well for my sem1 if not im gonna be so stress for my sem2...even worst i doubt that i will be commited to study for next sem...i mean sem1 already is hard for me to commit myself in it...n here's the results...*serve me right!* (hmm..yes im so kiasu rite now, not till i finally get the results)...im so stewpid eventhough just foundation!
i really appreciate the thigns my fren said...all tryign to comfort me...so sorry for those unpleasant replies i gave in return...my bad! and i dont expect u all to forgive me also...all iw anna say is ...thanks!
ahuh...saw a person's blog...quite not bad...really din seems dat he is so sentimental...nto to mention who erm it was stated that ..ok hw to start..mayb i shud start by this:~

• take out a dictionary, and u check out "love"...u r surprise to c there's so many meanings for that particualar word...
• but do u all truly understand it?
• i believe it is very hard to understand...until u encounter it?!some people may say "YES I UNDERSTAND IT!" well den i salute u!
• for me i dont understand too...

• why do people get together for the sake of love, but end up losing and hurting each other. perhaps the dictionary forgotten two very important part:

1. pain/suffering
2. sadness

(this is wat the person wrote)
hehe...indeed so true...and this fella continue...

• but....
• i believe, we must feel pain and sadness, before we can feel true love. we can't see it, we can't smell it, we can't touch it. then how do we know that its there?
• we feel it in our hearts peeps!
• so hang in there, people in despair. love is coming your way, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

so.....what do u think?...hehe....

please dont do this to me

2/10:
today is ur bday~dont wanna spoil ur mood~u wanna dow ateva u want~i wont move a single move~just can hide evrything i feel and see and wanna do~i know that i shud let go sicne long time ago~evry single time~i try to be so optimistic~i've tried my best to b the fool u wan me to be~i try to do all i can~but the rpely i get from u~never on my side~day by day, i fail to make u happy~in return, u were so sad that caused me to b extremely sad~who am i and wat am i~evrytime i read ur blog~just cant bare it~yes i envy~jealousy indeed stikes on me!~i don ask for it u noe~is coz i love u~no matter wat u did to me~whther or not all that u said before~true or false~i never mind about it~i know today the person u wan to present is not me but her~im not sure u're happy or not~u said u're happy~i just hv to agree~mayb u r~im nt sure~from wat i found~u're nt ~this makes me feel as if im a disturbance~wateva i do~u alwiz misunderstood me~im making things complicated for myself~as i thought bout u~i cant help~but my spirit is so low~i can just surrender myself to the devil~but evrytime when im gonna surrender~God held His mighty hand n live me up~im so tired~letitng me fall and pulling me up again n again~tot that fate is with us~coincidence, feeligns,happiness.. darlin all this is true~it is true that we're nt meant to be togeda~even i hv said to myself~how long ive known u~couple of dayz~n we're togeda~all this is just puppy love!~but y do i still cry for u~still miss u~when we're togeda, i din ever care about u n her~becoz i trust u~i bliv that u r true to me~i know~i know im nt good enuf~i know that i cant challenge with her~but onvious~u're avoidng me~if den~y din tell me~it hink too much~datz all uw ill say~if u don tell me~n keep me hanging halfway~i relaly cant figure out wat can i do~but as i c today~past ur bday~its almost like the end...~it happens that once ur bday apst~it rain so heavily~was the sky cryign for me?~was it indicating that itz time for me to erased u~n when it's time for me to make my move~to even call u out as a fren to watch movie~at that very moment u got a job~n now u're working~testimonial i send to u~being ignored~i tried to book a bbq area for u to held the party that u wan nt oni for u but aso for ur fren~i tried my very best asking my aunt againn agian~many times but i still dont mind~bt ended up fulyl book~n now u finall still on that party bt for mooncake festival!~u invite me im glad~bu it happens that my grandma having "dai yut zhi" dat need to b there~n i can tgo...~all this..~as i said previously bout the fate we have~have taken back~"yuin fan yi ging goh yut duin lok"~"yuin fan yi jun" ler~i donno hw long i can keep on lockign myself frm contacting u~all i know is~ive wasted lotsa tears for u~and dat it'll gonna b worse day by day from now on~i may be the first person who die due to overcrying~who knows~and nt many people know im a cry baby huh!~i didnt said that im strong though~sometiems y do i blog?~is nt coz i jsut wanna write it n let pl to pity me for the way i am~i write blog because soemtimes words just don come out from ur mouth..~and when u're in need of a fren to b there for u~nt allt he time they'll b there~though they'll gonan pick up ur call without anger or frustrated or annoyed at bout 4am~somehow, i just know that i shudnt disturb my fren coz of my prob~when im happy iw ant them to b happy with me~but when im sad, i do not want them to b sad with me~it is big diff with hearing frm someone's voice then to just read~when read, ppl can decide whther to reply or not, they just readddd~but when u hear frm that eprson, it's just hard to respond soemtimes n causing ur fren to feel like dunno wat to say~thus, blogging is 1 wya for me to vomit out everything i wanna say at that time~the negative feeligns that iw anna let it out!~i don expect reply or comment ~but a lil responds sometiems helps alot~today i went to learn baking from my fren...~and i just feel dat it shud b on sunday that i make this cake~i thought that i willl get to make it at least b4 12 on the day b4 ur bday~but c..is just fail againnnnnnnnnn~i alwiz got no courage~im nt brave to look at u~im nt brave enough to elt thigns go~bliv it or not, the same day the way my captain's bf did to her was extremely shoicking to me because the idea is same as mine~i saw my captain reveiving the cake by her beloved~so happy~and my mind thought~will u b dat happy?~i really doubt~n from then i just hv this thinking that if the cake not make by me but her, u'll b obviously happier~that will even crush me down~so mayb God just help me out~protecting me from being hurt again~hw to end this i seriously i swear i do not know~

say hello to october

today damn lotsa ppl bday..including **...^^...
nth to b happy about...so i wont b saying much...
wat happen yesterday was totally so wrong...
i felt that im a moron...therefore i did somethign dat is so stupid...and den actualyl ruined abit of my telematch for erm sunday means today or erm yesterday...wateva...coz i was realli down...im just so bad...irresponsible shit~ how i hopw i can sya sorry to my team bt just is so hard to tell the reason..
i just cant figure out y din ** acept all my testimonials...i mean like urghh*...omg i feel so so...i just clueless...oh but this nt wat happen yesterday....


im currently started to cook! haha ...hmm hope 1 day u people would wanan taste my cooking ? nayahha...yeay later today i will get to try my fren's cheesecake..so i hope i can steal some skills too..

scream!

~i hit so hardly to the wall~in this very night~is excatly 6 am~i wanna scream so hard~it just shut my mouth~so hard to take it~it hurts realli badly~yesterday(sat) evryone seems to be so fun~goin out to party~but i go for church~till late nite~that was fine!~came home~i tried to sleep coz tmr will gonna hv telematch~strikes me once again~n ere i am~i decided to check my mail~check alot of things~and why?!~been praying so hard~how could You nt answer my prayer?~im almost losing hope~why i have to know somehtign that i dont realli wanna noe~y?~y everyhting was totally fine n den just turns to nightmares~im in a dead end~my angels not wif me~wat r u trying to lead me to?~im going phsycho soon~feelig the tears that streaming down my cheeks~is as if my blood slowly left my body~im in pain~extremely pain~i feel so sick~sick n tired~this time~im not alrite~im not~crying out for my fren y issit silent?
F'ck myself...f'ck it..