wat shud i say?

25/10
today is my besty bday, lixin!
sad to say that she's not with us to celebrate 
as she is so bz with her metriculation.
really do miss her so much..and i mean soo so soo much!
i last seen her was during wesak day.
and datz it.
but as i browse through her friendster,
im glad that she enjoy her life in metri.
and whatz more can i say? 
as long as she's happy and taking care of herself!
having exam soon so i wish dat lixin, 
if u ever read this..i hereby wish u all the best
and gd luck in ur exam ya.
and don forget that u'll gonna meet us up after ur exam!

i really felt like crying;
but i couldnt...
im just being so grumpy, just like having pms bt no i don hv.
i was sad i guess..
sad that i miss my fren,
i fear...
i fear of plenty of things..
and tonite..this very nite..
was so sux..
i failed everythign i planned...
every single contact in msn ive waited...oni 1 succeed but...
still...till today no1 can ever b like "u"
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words like "gtg" "bye" appear b4 i do;
making me so upset sometimes;
bt i cant do anything;
bcoz things dont come ur way all the time and i respect that;
well mayb im just being like a psycho.
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mum was sick..
i blame myself, for nt getting to do anythign while i know my mum is sick;
i ponder,
what can i do?
wat can i do?
da more i ask myself this question, the more i hate myself!
im a horrid child!
i try to do all i can...
i tot i did my best, but no..im not.
im just giving 100% bt it supposed to b 110%
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grandma couldt stop saying she's gonan die;
n here i am fail to pursue her;
and again i tot i did;
not!
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** wasnt b seen!
was i blocked by u?
hw...when..why must it b so different as fren b4 and after?
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im gonna tremble so badly.
i want to find out the answer.
answer taht im supposed to know.
what on Earth is happening to the those i love?!
im collapsing...im speechless...i dunno hw to seek for help...
thanks jo i noe u did ask me whther i wanna "fatt sit"
yes indeed i want bt just i feel so bad if i fatt sitt on u!
is just not fair for u.
and u noe my "method" of letting out my fume is gonna b realli ridiculous
and scary
and terrible
and u r gonan b speechless?!
bt i bliv u understand me more than i do.(=
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im feeling better now...
c soem part i just couldnt figure out wat it means...
just make no sense.
bt well..
i understand anyway.
wateva!
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