26/5/06

you're leaving soon. on 3 hrs time. i dont know why, today everything is making me heartache. ppl con me agian. im fed up pf it but i couldnt do anything. hw can i being so stupid. talking about stupid, u're even worse, why cant u understand wat i'm feeling rite now. i cant bare it no more. all i do today is just thinking of you. Raining this evening and all that's in my mind is you. if only u're outside waiting for me and came along with an umbrella. held me to the car. im so sad now & i miss you seriously. at th esame time i hate the way you treated me. hate the "friend" that what we're in now for the realtion between now. there's plenty of annoying and fucking Qt that i want to ask and i desperate to know. knowing that u're leaving me here and u're enjoying ur holsin just few hrs, makes me heartache once more and sore. im not sure if i should be contented or hurt when you actually said u're going off again nxt mth. i cant stand it anymore. i wanna cry. but u're online now asking me what i'm doing, i dont know wat to reply u. how i hope i can just stone here n you just go to sleep. the look on ur face tonite looks diff. u're glowing and im upset to know i showing such f'ng face to u. i seriously dont know hw to reply you. well, mayb my fren somehw have similarity. Lie is how we maintain relationship. bt im nt sure is these lies are for our own good or wat. being sensitive is nt who i am at the beginning. im selfish and i thought i can get over it after telling my mum. but its not. after few wks i failed myself again. i miss u so badly. i blame u're a liar. bt another side of me, u're not. im actually screwing up myself coz of you. its not ur fault coz im willingly to do so. let me endure the blame. for i noe that ur mum loves u and so do u. whats more, u;re the only child. dont screw up ur life, darling. im backing up, feeling the hurt myself every single seconds in my life.

how do u treat others? hw about ur ex? still gt contact her? what'z our relationship now? whatz so complicated? darling, thatz what i wanna noe. i soemtimes wonder if u're playing wif me. nt sure if u;re lonely thatz y u say u want me coz im like a replacement to ur ex. i dunno if it is true. i dont know seriously. where am i standing in ur opinion? who am i to you? i fucked up so much since i know u. u've changed my life to a better n aso to worse...bt i relly thank u coz u teach me alot of thigns. biggest mistake i ever made is to let my life cheated on me. i love you damn alot and hell im being this ewww 'mdt!' agian...!

if oni i never know u..

if oni i can b wicked...

if oni i can be cruel..

if oni..

if oni..

if oni..

whine..whine..whine.. & nth will ever chnaged or turned back time..fuck it!

i cant sleep thinking that u're leaving soon. i miss you til i do not care about what u think of me and that i ask u damn many qt like i wanna noe every single things u;re gonna do. it sounds annoying, irritating and u most probably wanna **** me.its so normal for you to take things so easily. neglecting me, i wont mind. for u, u;re alwiz right and u know if u dont like it, datz it, u'll never wanna like it. therefore, i know u wont give a damn on wat im up to& wat im whining about. this sometimes hurt me for i dont feel the care. and well who am i that deserve ** to care? im just a piece of dust.