dead broke

urgh! first day of mega sales! n i realised my wallet is just so pathetic..rm20++? my goodness..am i dat broke? wat did i spent?..wat abig spender i am now..hmm...spot so many nice n cheap stuff...0_o ....last night i just view ** profile n guess i found sumthing which is so odd to me..y is there aint c* in ** list anymore? wat happen? seriously i wanna noe watz wrong but i just dun hv the courage to ask **..total madness in me now.. dunno wat to do.. i just cant leave this mystery just like that..but sometimes it just...sigh~..

i have black circle under my eyes now..havent been sleeping enough..but well since i noe ** i cant sleep so early..im just so addicted to the com..noe y? coz i've alwiz wanted to c ** online & that i eventually will b so delighted n i just really feel like seeing a rainbow after rain! well, guess ** is my sunshine and darkness as well..** is my sunshine when ** can makes me put on a smile on my face..darkness will b the sorrow n pain that pouring out in my mind while im talkign to **..tonite..** is nt ere..bt silly enuf..i waited...somehow my heart longs for it..though i physically refused n dun wanna give a damn on **..

i think i noe y my sis so concerned bout me..ims o stupid enuf to actually type my blog in the search bar..n dat i think she read it..well earlier on i edi suspected her to noe watz goin on with me n **..just dat she din make it obvious n i think she dun wanna noe aso as it is disgusting..but i really glad that she din really like make a commotion towards me or sumthign lidet..this is just my thoughts lerh..not so sure...but the time when im with **..we're in my hse..sis came back...gosh! was terrified..i mean both of us..but she seems like din notice anythign so all of us just act cool!..seirously she ruined my moment with **....ahaha..miss ** so so so so f-ng much....where r u?..

the time with u was just so great n awesome..is like im living in a world that has no frustration..and all i have is just smile on my face n though living in our colourless world but it is ideal n good enuf...this is our life i say..i foudn it...bt ocoz i never beliv in long lasting love...i dun bliv in marriage..but i hold on to my philosophy which is..appreciate n cherish every single moment..n is just ridiculous to actually think the future for u cant foresee thigns..i really do remember allt he things we did togeda n share togeda..still vividly stored in my mind..dat is y is just so hard to delete it though i've tried...i've heard frm sumwhere...they said dat.."everything happens with a reason"...so i will just ready to wait what happens next..everythign will b fine unless i end up my life just like that which is so stupid! yeah..we live coz of love actually...without love...u think u can survive?..liek fmaily love ..friendship love...lover's love..all this love is wonderful...but like police n thief..there's alwiz good n bad..coz there's God n Devil..so no matter how nice th elove can give..there surely b hurt once in a while...i really admire those ppl who make it thru their mmortal love!..is like 1 in a millions who wil succeed!..i really wish dat my prnts hv a success marriage...but it seems not...so it somehow take away part of my trust towards relationship...peeps often say im just too lonely n dat i just need company thats y imwith **...i can swear im not...itz been very long since my 1st break ups...n to trully bliv some1 n love again..is like nvr comes to my mind at all...din think about it at all...until i've found **...** indirectly changes me..first time i ever felt the the strong feelings like i cant live without ** n i want ** so badly...u noe wat i mean? i noe wat im doin n i din do it impulsively...i swear!..i did ask ** so clearly bout not to just confessed to me coz ** is inpulsive at taht moment...n ** so clearly state dat ** not...n ere u go...stabbing me with ur own hand..i;ve move the worng step once again..i hoep i can b a better n betetr person...after all this shit..ive got no more tears to shed anymore...** the oni person that i cried for so many times...hurting me the worst...n i love the most..bt rite ive edi let ti go...bt i din...i let go n i take abck..let go n tak eback...failure i am...i admit...justw ondering y she doesnt put an effort to mend my broken heart?...so cruel to let it bleed jsut like that...now dat i noe..bcoz u live, i live...